C/LTA TAN J. H. CLEMENT
[20]
[12/12/1990]
[Ductus Exemplo]
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NCC Central District
HIHS NCC
RP DOAL
FCBC DE Tribe
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I'm getting very easily agitated with all things related to BB. Maybe it's the way I am being treated, maybe it's the things I need to do for them on top of all my other stuff. I even wanted to just let it out and hang up on Terry just now. was gonna blast hong sheng if he assumed i havent given the updates. idk whats wrong, perhaps i'm overloaded and my mind just wants to rest and stop thinking for a short moment. I don't like the way amos and narash talks when it comes to bb. Yes I did say I would help but do remember I am a volunteer. I do have my priorities and obviously my Corps would come before this. It was supposed to be me helping out with whatever I am free to help out with, not kneel-before-you-do-as-you-command. Try me, Perhaps it's been too long that I've been nice.
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Ran 20km today! haha didn't do that well as I had no time to train intensively thanks to the many camps and HQ activities but hey, I made it through in 2hours 14 mins. Really nice to push myself and see how far I can go. Maybe next time I'll be running more, especially after joining the NCC running club, heard they got plans for AHM and standard chart.
Anyway, was in HQ few days back for rappelling, real cool stuff, then staying over for the next day's training. We had time to slack and everything so at night we watched pearl harbour. Yes it was a movie, but it was based on something that actually happened. Sailors who were trapped alive in the arizona and other ships, reaching out though small gaps in the hulls created by the men trying to save them and holding the hands of the men above, but eventually drowning and dying. It got me thinking about how cruel humans can be, that because of a simple difference of believes and idealogies a nations can go to war, that children would become orphans, that women get raped and men slaughtered mercilessly by revenge killings of all horrible forms, drowning, burning, bayonet, bullets, bombs you name it.
God must have left the earth during world war 2, I thought. Is it wrong to think that way? Honestly I do not know. What I do know is that it strengthen my resolve to be what I want to be. Yes I do agree that majority of people in this day and age are probably more civilised, that world opinion matters and that does indeed stop some wars, that the chance of Singapore going to war is extremely slim, but I'm not gonna leave this to chance. I don't ever want to see the people I know suffer the way our ancestors did. I want to be able to protect the people I love.
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Just been through another barrage of camps. First one was Advance Drills Course, Which I really loved because in a sense I got to be a cadet all over again, you see, even as a C/LTA, trainees are treated equally. And I'm really glad they didn't place all the CLTs into a single platoon as the result would be different. It's kinda like reliving the past, not having to plan anything, not giving commands, no need to check with all the appointment holders how they're doing...just do as your told, and give a 100% in everything.
I was asked if I were aiming for an award, the best CLT trainee award, but I said no. My reasoning is this, I must always put in my 100%, if I do in the end get the award, praise the Lord! it's a bonus, but if I don't, I will still take pride in myself because I have done my best. I shared this with a few of the cadet trainees and I hope they would think about it, that it's about the attitude thats gonna get you far. And...I got the award in the end anyway XD PTL!
Seacond one was the BB bike expedition camp. Actually didn't manage to sleep before it and was utterly tired in it. But I'd say that it's a good start as I managed to talk to some of the boys and get to know them better, Jia Hao and Lancelot for example. Hopefully I'll be able to be more of a mentor to them then just another guy they have to listen to.
I love camps, but then again I've been to so many camps I'm not sure if it's good for my family, I know they'd definitely like to see me around more often. And although I know it IS going to be like this for a much longer time when I go into the army, and it may be kind of a stepping stone for my family to "get used to it" maybe it's time to find a balance and draw the line. Family's important too.
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Just finished yet another camp STEEL. Super tired to the max, also because in the midst of it I was practicing rappelling for affirmation ceremony, then after the camp ended still went to help out for another district's trainfire because they really lacked manpower. Got up today with an incredible ache in my chest and arms, must be because of all the pull ups and push ups done for fun on day zero XD. At least I did waaay better for this camp as an OC, now it's time to maintain that standard. You are what you repeatedly do, so excellance is a habit. Got BB in the morning tommorrow and i'm told to teach how to use the bicycle -.- will plan for it after lunch.
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I'm bored at home the moment I've got nothing to do. man. Just read up abit on knowledge inquiry, a module offered in JCs (dun ask me why I was truly bored!) and I thought it really resembled the 2 Cognitive thinking modules i took in year 1, kinda cool, very intriguing. A simple question like is knowledge true? can keep you going for the whole day. definitions, reasearch, reasoning and all.
Thinking of getting someone to go to the gym with me. maybe kian ming? haha alright, gonna go for lunch and then I'll see about the gym. I'll be gone from tonight till 11th as well...Another camp STEEL! haha :D
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I've been thinking lately, praying for a change. And I know it will start with me, God grant me the courage to step up and start moving. I know you gave me the position for a good reason. I'm gonna start a cell in my district.
Courage. I once read this somewhere, that courage is not the absence of fear, but the recgonition that something else is more important than fear. I think it's really well said. I want to change the lives of the people put under my charge, not just in how well they can teach trainfire lessons or run a camp, but in how they live their lives as well. And I know that I can't do it, but it is only through God that this is possible. It's been because of him that I am who I am today, that secondary 3 cadet who didn't want to go for spec course, who completely sucked at drills, who was a total clown, and now the cadet officer overall in charge for an entire district. It's not possible by my strength alone. Thank you God, continue to guide me, continue to use me.
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"What's the next event" "Check strength" "who reported sick, what happened? where? when? which platoon? which school?"...
Just some of the things that goes through my mind over and over again when running camps. And yet mistakes happen, Wrong influence, wrong judgement. I've really got to know when to draw the line, I feel as though I did really badly for the last camp STEEL. But no matter, It shall be a lesson. Apart from that theres central management. Change. I taste it. It's gonna get better.
On the non NCC side of my life, holidays are quite boring I find, funny how I used to adore them and spend every minute playing pc games. Thank God I'm not the same anymore but yes, it gets boring. So exercise comes in! Been running and gyming and swimming. Here and there, in prep for the 20 click DE run, and also for personal fitness.
Also there's this irritating state of mind that i'm in. It irritates me because I know that i shouldn't be falling in love and every logical aspect of my mind tells me its something useless now at least, yet I can't help it. I find myself thinking about her, and then getting irritated over it. Confusing ain't it.
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Soldier 
