C/LTA TAN J. H. CLEMENT
[20]
[12/12/1990]
[Ductus Exemplo]
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NCC Central District
HIHS NCC
RP DOAL
FCBC DE Tribe
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HAHA! I OWNED PHYSICS EVEN MORE THAN CHEM! WHAO! THATS JUST WOHOO! PRAISE GOD MAN! heh. tommorows gonna be the last hard paper. Math 2. went for math tution straight after physics exam. thought i did ok. than walk to the bus stop, and saw my 315 driving of. so...i ran. lol ran like heck and beat it to the next stop. yes, i'm nuts. haha. anyway... really must do well for it or all the ownage of science goes to waste. hmm, bad thought. but well! brace yourselfs! i'm going to kick butt tomorrow! haha. Agreed to go gyming tommorrow with who else? Rong king. lol. yea been a long time. after tommorow it's back to a ton of NCC, gym, pakour, and of course, my beloved battlefield 2. most of which i have been pretty darned deprived of due to the exams.
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I wonder, when the time comes, will i be able to put my next foot forward. and again, and again, deprived of food and sleep for days. with insane blisters under my feet, at least 50 kg on my back. and go on, perservering. That's just PART of the SELECTION course for the new zealand Special Air Service. title of the documentary i watched? SAS DOWN AND UNDER: WEEDING OUT THE DREAMERS(episode 1) that title imposes questions about me, i always wanted to be a special forces soldier, but do i have what it takes? only 5 out of the 50 over men got badged in the end. less than 10%. Yea, singapore's commandos selection will probably be much less, but hey, if it's about being the best, can i be of that kind of standard in the future?cause those guys probably own our regular commando units. well lets face it, it's singapore, how many stay in the army after thier ORD? and when they're out, you start to see spare tires and all after awhile. sheesh. there's only that far you can go with rusty knowledge of combat tactics and a weak body. you know what? i'm gonna start training more after this thursday, gonna start training especially on mental strength. perserverance. I've always found the perserverance of war heroes amazing, captivating, motivating. the poor guys who get captured, interrogated and nothing leaks. Not even till death for some. Amazing dun't you think so? i mean, how many of us would be able to keep our mouths num when a glowing hot iron pole is being pressed on to your skin? darn. i'm nowhere near the standard of a special forces soldier now, but they say if you look at your dream as a goal and work like heck towards it your dream will become reality. well just see.
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ok, did more physics...still gotta do a ton of math...and i was thinking about making a specialist camp for my HIHS NCC unit. teach them all the fun tactical things that they need to retain interest in the cadets and teach them how to teach the cadets(sheesh)get thier morale up and all. just inform the teacher officer, and all of us will probably have pay for our own food so as to not put the ncc fund in danger of not having a final year camp. darn. I hope next year i'll be able to come back weekly to help my unit. i heard first year in RP will not allow it as schedules are like 8 to 5 or something for EVERY weekday. i need to keep fighting for our unit to be able to be put on a saturday. Sigh, if only the teachers were half as interested as i am. their lack of interest with the combination of the cca head mr darn darn darn is getting on my nerves. and the they want our unit to get silver? fat hope until co-operation is given on THEIR side. sigh. gonna eat something and get back to work.
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daaarnn. maths 1 wasn't so good. i'm worried. i know it's only a d7 i need but i'm still worried. sometimes it's really hard to get those "what ifs" outta my mind. argh. At least lots of people said it was difficult so hopefully moderation will help? ah well. let me just do my best not to worry so much. worrying does nothing but make you feel bad so i'll do my best to keep it off my mind. or maybe think of.....ONE MORE WEEK! JUST ONE MORE WEEK! lol.
went for prayer meeting yesterday and it was really an eye opener as it was the first time that the topic was about sexuality and bgrs. i mean, you hardly talk about it in church, and sometimes, the world perverts things and make it seem ok, when it actually affects yourself and others. take for example skimpy dressing, short shorts revealing tops whatever, it sends a message like "looks and sex are important to me over character and principles, i wanna look sexy so my partner will continue to like me" and all that crap. if your relationship is based mainly on looks, your realationship is more likely than not(ok maybe 99%?) to end up breaking up with the other party. lots of other interesting things that were talked about, we asked questions, the leaders answered us to the best of thier abilities. heh, i always thought of sexuality as a booming evil destroying many lives, enslaving people being a stronghold and such. But think of it, God knows it, he created it, and he can redeem it.
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Tomorrow's gonna be a big day. Math paper 1. I can do this, i know i can. I studied much harder than last year, just gotta concentrate and it'll be fine. heh. mrs tan gave me a bottle of chicken essence, so nice of her. i've got so much depending on this years o levels, my place in poly, additional fianances from the SAF for the nnext 3 years which will REALLY help out my family, my continuation in NCC, and most importantly, my career in the SAF in the near future. Sucess means all of the above will be possible. Failure means the above will NOT be possible. So much to fight for. I'm NOT gonna be beaten this time. Nope. I thank God for for his providence and guidiance so far, i pray that he'll grant me a clear mind during my examinations so that i will be able to get to poly next year. gonna have to sleep earlier tonight, tommorrows paper starts at 0800. For my future and the glory of God!
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I OWNED CHEM TODAY!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!i am so confident that i can get like a b3? and all i need is c6 :) wahaha so happy. Teck meng says he can get an A? hmmm we'll see....hahaha. Got a G36E today to replace the one zhon hao dropped. just sprayed the silencer black and i'm waiting for it to dry out. I AM JUST SO ELATED THAT I DID WELL IN CHEM! it's the subject i worried about the most you see, now my number 1 enemy is math, physics is ok. lol. I can do this, So much more with the spirit of God upon me. alright! gonna stop here for today!
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i gave my blog a facelift! Thanks to Janine for the tips! haha. spent quite some time understanding which string of random words letters and marks meant what. but i got it eventually. alright! ok let's see, practical today was...not so good, but it isn't bad to the point where i would fail horribly either. perhaps d7 grade? argh. gonna concentrate on theory papers. Chem is up next, monday. 3 more days till chem becomes a thing of the past. gotta work hard for it.
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i own in physics! hahaha such a boost in confidence. Now i know i really can do this! haha. maths is better, chemistry got better as well. Hahaha. ok. That aside, umm, been playing pakour recently. learning and perfecting all the basics, rolls, vaults, the cat, blah blah. AND, i found out that i could scale a pilliar! (provided i can grab it with both my hands.) I STILL cannot do flips, the cartwheel-on-a-wall thingy and lots more. lol. But i'm aching all over, in places i never knew i could ach. Even my butt! like what the....haha it just goes to show that it's really good exercise. I'm gonna be real fit by the time i join ns so i can breeze through commando training ("o)haha alright, tomorrow's the practical and i've gotta go for some relatives wedding dinner-some relative i dun even know the name of. lol it's always the case eh? ah well, gtg iron my shirt and stuff, cya!
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I broke my record for pull ups. haha. 17 standard + 1 non-standard. gonna reach my target of 20 soon. Really need to get more discipline to live a life that revovles around God. also need that discipline to sit down and study without distractions in between so it's not like, 1 hour of studying in 1 and a half hour time. sigh. did my chem paper yesterday and i just passed by a margine. gonna try physics today. i REALLY REALLY have to pass.
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yea. i just did science paper 1 on tys. just passed by over a couple of marks. it's not good enough. i'm afraid i'll flunk my exams. i'm worried. so much anxiety. i didn't feel this way last year. maybe that just goes to show i was'nt serious last year hmm? argh, need to go back to books. God grant me wisdom.
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to the start of my o's. been waking up very early for the past few days worrying. and although i DO study, i find it hard to concentrate at times. Hmmm my legs are real sore now. cause yesterday i deceided to take a little time off and and do some pakour! haha. but strictly no buildings this time, just practicing rolls and stuff. for those of you who don't know, i was apparently arrested for playing pakour and as all of you know, where ever i go i always bring a load os stuff like my first aid kit, torch, multitool...and those cops thought i was gonna umm, break into a house? but the most ridiculous thing is that they didn't even see where i climbed. it's not possible to go into another residents house from the places i climb. and they were being so cocky that it made talking politely so darned difficult. ANYWAY, cut the long story short, the case isn't over, my stuff are still with them and all they managed to do is leave me with a pathetic impression on the police force. Of course i'm not saying all cops are bad, especially those that sign on with the public's safety at interest, those guys have my respect. It's those that serve because they have no choice and like to just unfairly tekkan ppl whenever possible. i recently saw "FBI FILES" on discovery channel. And they took so many measures just to get evidence to prove that a gang was up to no good. it irritates me that i was just arrested without good prove of anything. most of all I AM INNOCENT! bah. That aside, my studies i would say have all improved, but how much is another question. Alright, gonna psycho myself to resume studying now.
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been waking up eveyday at like 5am plus for the past 3 days, worrying what will happen if i fail. oh well, gonna make use of this fear as a extra boost of fuel to study reeaal hard and get myself into poly. one grade each, it ain't so hard i can do this, need to set my mind to it and it'll be fine.
ok, so in the midst of all the studies there's infatuation all over me as well. Gosh i am so neck deep in it and i dun even think she knows i'm still this mad over her after all these years. well what's a guy to do? oh and don't be telling me to go ahead and make a move or whatever, cause despite the feelings, i dun believe in getting into a relationship purely based on feelings. she must get along well with me, we must be able to forgive and forget, give in to each other...cause love ain't just about feelings. It's a committment. And if i dare end up breaking up with a girl and leaving her worse of than what she used to be than thats just plain wrong. i wonder why so little people think the way i do. can't they tell? after breaking up again and again and getting hurt over and over again? sheesh, what's the basis?
Ah well, gonna go back studying already. I REALLY must make it this time. God grant me discipline to study for long hours and a receptive mind that will retain info taken in. Clement over and out.
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Soldier 
