The Battlefield of my life

2012-01-12T02:25:00.000-08:00

Did 4 sets 800m intervals yesterday. Averaged timing about 3:30, followed by 3 sets of 20 push ups, sit ups and lunges. Ended with 2 sets 30 sec plank. timing wasn't too good and the follow up static felt like crap, perhaps due to the workout the day before. No matter, gonna hit it today again.

49 more days

2012-01-10T04:24:00.000-08:00

49 days to enlistment. I think i'm not focusing on my studies enough, cause I know that i've been doing well and can actually afford to slack. But I shall not. I'll finish this race, run it to the best I can for God is in charge. I've also decided to post my workouts here. It's not so much of a "hey look i can do this" ego thing but more of keeping myself in check, and also an additional motivation to workout daily. I can't afford to slack now of all time.

Yesterday I circuit training, noticed my timing dropped horribly to an average of 1:34 per round. so it was:
1) 6 x 400m circuit, target for 1:30 per round, 1:30 rest in between
2) 3 sets plank, 1:30 first set followed by 1:00 for the next 2. 1min rest inbetween

Today was a little better:

1) 5km, 27mins 40secs. Sheesh I could do a 24 min previously.
2) 2 and half set of stairs climbing (set of 12 floors)
3) 3 sets of 20 push ups, 20 sit ups, 20 counts of 4 jumping jacks

Blessed

2011-12-12T04:46:00.000-08:00

I feel so blessed haha, celebrations with family yesterday and waking up to wishes today, spending time with my beloved sister, and then with kevin and dawn later.

Yea, i thought it was a hassle to plan for celebrations, but I came to realise it's really about celebrating the people in my life and the relationships God has allowed me to have with them. So here's one to all of you in my life!

2011-12-11T07:37:00.001-08:00

Sucks to have this feeling now. Does wishing really only hurt the heart?

On the bright side, the fights been going pretty well i reckon. Gonna keep it up!

losing grip

2011-12-06T09:28:00.001-08:00

Seem to be losing grip on things. Need more discipline, need more willpower. I want to walk with you, to carry my cross daily. But somehow my thoughts, words and worse of all actions show other wise.

Apart from that, if she's constantly on my mind does it mean i haven't surrendered it to you?

Give me compassion

2011-11-30T17:42:00.001-08:00

Yes I want to serve. Yes I want to give it all. Humble me, and let me die, for the Glory of you alone. Pain and suffering is temporory, but glory is eternal.

2011-11-30T07:21:00.001-08:00

And I will come to you with an open heart. Nail me to the cross. Daily.

I will not bow to circumstances. Only to you Lord will I bow.

Breaking point.

2011-11-29T08:03:00.001-08:00

"Somethings getting in the way, somethings just about to break."

I would make it last, and not end up being meaningless. That's of course if you are in fact refering to me, and no, I am not make believe. None of us are.

I just want all of you to be happy.

WHY IS EVERYONE I SEEM TO CARE ABOUT BREAKING. WHY. I AM TORN BETWEEN BEING STRONG AND PUTTING UP A STRONG FRONT WHILE BEING DEYSTROYED INSIDE.

I know you'll carry me through.

2011-11-28T17:55:00.001-08:00

So it's on my shoulders. Or maybe it always has been and i'm only feeling it once again. What am I to do? But I just know that you'll have something up. Direct me.

On a seperate matter, I tried. And when I tried to forget about you, you appear in my dreams again.

He will make a way. Now quit being a bloody wuss, man the heck up and do what must be done.

2011-11-27T07:57:00.001-08:00

And now that i reflect, no. it wasn't about looking. It's about the thought of me never getting anywhere close. How many times.

What celebration?

2011-11-24T18:33:00.001-08:00

While people get excited for their 21st, it's actually feeling troublesome and even demoralising to me. How can i clash dates with dining in. Way to go clement, thats score one for you. Whats the big fuss about 21st birthdays anyway? It seems like all i may do is try to make the people around me pleased. Which isn't such a bad thing at all, but oh well.

2011-11-23T23:05:00.001-08:00

In you alone.

Like a cyclonite composition C

2011-10-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

It's the main indgredient for a C4 charge. And is also what I feel I have inside my chest. Putting on a mask, staying shut, acting nonchalant, yet getting every peice of information that I can get, discreetly of course. I don't think anyone knows, with the exception of the special few. I don't think Yankee knows either. I highly doubt it.

It's ok most of the time, just comes around to bite me in the arse so hard once in awhile. How long am I going to keep this up? What would I do if Yankee knew? I have no clue.

How would one know unless he tries, yet finding the right time to act is also wise.

Sometimes I wish it could all go away until the time is right. This is bitter sweet, like 1% sweet and 99% bitter. It's pathetic, really.

What guys think about modesty

2011-10-03T10:21:00.000-07:00

It speaks my mind so much. I really wonder, especially for women who claim to be the followers of Christ. What is the reason for dressing like skimpily? It is SO ~~sadenning~~ heartbreaking that long time believers would choose to dress like that. Is it that you have no idea what guys would say behind your backs? What they would think? Or do you not care?

Let me share some things that are very common within the conversations of secullar guys. When they see a pretty skimply dress girl they talk about how they would ravage her and talk about how they would go to bed with her. Beauty is ignored. When a girl, let me be frank here, who is not beautiful but has figure and dresses skimpily, phrases like "Bag the face, bomb the base and close the case" are VERY common. what does it mean? It means they don't care how ugly your face is they'll put a bag over it and have sex with you anyway. For a night, and close the case, never seeing you again. What of girls with no looks and no figure? guys joke with each other saying that thier friend's "wife/girlfriend" is here. You become a object of INSULT. Is this what you want? I pray this isn't what your looking for Please don't do this to yourself no matter how you look. Please I beg of you, i'm sharing this because it is the truth.

I think it's horrible to follow the world's calling to use your body to gain attraction. I remember one secondary school buffet dinner, where many girls dressed with short tight skirts and all. And I remember the comment of one friend who said he didn't know that he was going to geylang. But there was one girl, who was dressed modestly, she always did and in my opinion, she was the most beautiful one of all. not because of her born looks, but because modesty coupled with character just makes her outshine all the others. And she's not even a christian.

Don't you as christian girls want to people who loves you for these things? Through character shaped by living a life of daily decisions made by carrying the cross, character of the fruits of the spirit, please, I WANT you girls to be loved for character, for BEAUTY and NOT for your body, that isn't love it's lust and very temporory with consequences that do you no good at all. Don't go that way please you lose so so much that God wants you to have.

Like the video says, we ARE to be distinct. For the girls it's a call to the way you represent yourself the way you represent christ, for us guys it's not to follow the world of other guys in engaging in lustful thoughts and actions, not looking at where our body wants to look and not thinking the lustful thoughts that bring about temporory sinful pleasure. We are not perfect and never will be, but through the grace of God we can work towards living a life that brings glory to his name.

Passion....or not?

2011-08-28T09:42:00.000-07:00

It just struck me while i was running recently, passion without discipline and hardwork is just wishful thinking. I have seen people like that, and I hope I'm not one of them :/ Dun think i'm putting in enough effort in living a life that's dicsiplined. Idk, like not running sometimes when I'm supposed to, or not working out enough, and especially not readign the word of God enough.

So I thought about it, if i get extremely interested by military films and games but don't have the discipline and willpower to work towards preparing for my career, I am but a dreamer that is not self motivated. If thoughts of Christ dying for me touches my heart to the point of tears but I don't care enough to choose to read the word of God instead of doing something else, it is simply emotions, and not actually following Christ. Everyone feels sorry for the old beggar on the street with no legs, but how many will do something to help the beggar?

My point is, I've been pretty much living my life based on my emotions. I seriously need to kick my arse and stop that. I can't be doing what I feel like all my life, as to get somewhere/something one has to lose something else. For whoever loses his life gains it and whoever keeps his life loses it. Not easy, yea, no one said it ever would be, but it's what I need to do.

On a side note, the flame doesn't die. Every conversation I have is like blowing air to remove the ashes on burning wood, causing the flame to burn even stronger. How am I gonna keep this up :/ Insanity.

Silence is golden

2011-08-10T06:55:00.000-07:00

Here @ blogger, is where I can state the stuff where I can't on facebook. LOL Because almost no one reads blogger anymore. And I find it convenient to just type down my thoughts and keep a record of them without having to keep em in a book that takes space and collects dust. Pragmatist much?

Anyway, they say silence is golden. But it's painstakingly golden if you ask me. Keeping it hush is just so insane at times. When you try to hide it from all the rest, when you question every interaction, where you yearn but know you can't do much about the feeling. It's a volcano of emotions, needing to erupt but unable to.

As always logic comes to the rescue, having the knowledge on this matter, what then? What after the silence is broken? It could only lead to a whole cluster jam of confusion and uneccesary crap. Sometimes I feel it's unfair, Sometimes I feel that it's just another one to just wait and let it painfully die a slow death. But I know it's the right thing to do. I shall wait on you Lord, for you are faithfull and I know that you will come through for me.

Lovely

2011-08-08T11:06:00.001-07:00

Crazy.

2011-08-03T12:21:00.000-07:00

You know how i feel? Crazy.

Unfortunately life is not black and white. I shall use this time to sort out my crap because i'm still so far behind. Man shouldn't live by emotions, we should live by the word of God.

Allow me

2011-07-25T09:14:00.000-07:00

To melt in my gaze and just seep into the cracks of earth. I must be insane, knowing the foolishness of it all but yet being unable to stop myself from being mesmerised. Memories and images, imagination, all of which play tug of war with the strings of my core. Allow me to shift my focus, if you will, at least for a time such as this.

2011-07-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

I praise the Lord on account of what's happened. From wiping the sin off my hand to wiping repentence. Thank you Lord for revealing to me your truth, that you want me free from sin not to merely bless me but to save me. That everytime I fall I strike nails into again and again, that I do not desire you enough to let go of my sin. That I CHOSE to sin. that i'm choosing hell itself. I thank you Lord so much that your revelation has hit me hard enough. I pray that I will continue to seek you more and more each day, and to continue desire you because i'm so pathetic and hopeless without you.

Torn between

2011-07-05T07:50:00.001-07:00

Torn between the heart and the mind. I know what's right, I know I what I should be but I fail helplessly. Aren't we all? I need to make a stand. choose and stick with it. God grant me strength.

Your so awesome, yet I fail you. again, and again. Help me to change here, here and now.

2011-07-02T11:15:00.000-07:00

So. that's it huh. it pains me so greatly what we've become, words cannot express. I shall now only care about the small handful of people that I have an influence over. screw everything else. your image and identity will have nothing to do me, I will not consider myself as a part of you. Shall I use you as you have used us? Shall I become another leech to your body? remember, when your scope falls on materialistic targets and you ignore the people, there will be a backblast. People don't stay young and naive forever.

Strong mixed feelings

2011-06-27T09:19:00.000-07:00

It's a combustion of strong feelings. different causes, different parts of my life. now it feels like the pin is pulled and it's gonna blow.

All that I have been trained to do, is it now gone to waste? I have always served with the mindset thinking that no matter how bloody screwed up things were, I'd stick to it, suck it up and keep going for the sake of passion and of the people under me. I thought, if not I, then who? But perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps nothing really could have been done to see this once glorious organisation fall into a nothing but a defecated pit of lies. it's gone way off the aim of why the organisation was created itself. why carry on? it seems like nothing but a corporation now.

what values are present in the people nowadays?
Things like discipline and professionalism is nowhere to be found even among the highest levels of leadership(I have to add a disclaimer though, that there are still a very few people that still got it and I truly respect). It seems hopeless, it really does. for the old schools that behaved with pride and dignity when wearing the uniform of the organisation, the people nowadays no longer share that. they have no pride in themselves. they don't stand up for what they believe is right, and the list goes on.

It greives me to see what this organisation has become. I think it's about time to put an end to this once glorious organistion turning more and more into a joke. What say you to change? Eargerly, anxiously, angryly, dissapointedly waiting for that day. If we go down imma tear down the whole place. no more of this shit, seriously.

And there's the stuff I need to put up with at work. And my personnal walk with God. I shan't say too much for now. God give me strength.

2010-12-29T05:36:00.000-08:00

Besar, Allah ku!

Today I just returned from a mission trip in batam, We did many things over a short span of 4 days. Painted the walls of the orphanage into the creations of God, the animals, sky, day and night, and a cross in the middle with the children's handprints around it.

We planted corn and groundnuts, leaving in faith that there will be a harvest to sustain the orphanage. Played all kinds of games with them, ice and water, hop scotch, what's the time lion, simply swinging them around in the air and playing with them and alot more. The kids are SO ADORABLE. Simple minded and pure in thinking.

But above all that we've done, hearing the testimonies of Sun Han and Fina, and simply watching the children worship, is so touching. I remember the prayer of Yanti, saying "...thank you Lord, that we can extend our lives to this day..." Simply amazing. It amazes me, that Because of Fina's actions of living by faith, these children can be worshipping the Lord, be happy, go to a school even and get an education.

Before we even started I prayed that we would decrease, that the Lord may increase, that he would use us to do his works, according to his will. The reason is simple, Who am I to represent the Lord? I am nowhere near holy, nowhere near the level of the love of God. And it is not by my might that I can show his love to the children, but by the spirit of God.

I can say that leaving the children was the saddest part of it all, no one wanted to leave, the children cried, the team members cried, amazingly even the bus driver who was a muslim shed tears at the sight, and offered to bring along the children to the port and bring them back just so they can spend that extra few minutes with us. I was that close to crying, I know it even though I didn't because I never fought tears like I did today. Sun Han said that he has collaborated hundreds of short mission trips, but ours was different, that the emotions were so strong.

It made me wonder, how did we end up with such a strong bond with the kids? All we did was paint, plant, play and eat with them, we couldn't even converse much with them because of the language barrier. And we only spent 3 days with them, 2 and a half to be exact. It is this thought that I was affirmed that it is the work of the spirit of God. No way can we achieve this bond without the work of God.

Thank you, children especially Vito, Taji, and Titus. You have all been such an inspriration to me. Words cannot do justice to describe how I feel right now, and I miss you all so dearly already. My prayers will be with all of you, and I will definitely visit again next year. I will never forget you guys, ever.

2010-12-23T01:08:00.000-08:00

Had a really awesome birthday, I dare say the best in my 20 years. Started with a dinner and drinking session in halo bar with some of the best bros on earth! they gave me a book on rifles and a knife, LOL but i loved it, every moment spent with them talking nonsense and just having a good time. Then I had some family time, you know, dinner and all. I didn't really had an appetite cause I was sick but apprecriated every moment i spent with them. And of course the cell! Haha suprising me in service and with a cake after that. Really awesome people! I thank God for the people in my life, for without them, this life would be empty.

Still thinking about about the possibilities, yet I don't even know you that well.
And it's probably like the last time. idk, I suck at this.

The fragile life

2010-11-22T10:27:00.000-08:00

Today, I was reminded of how fragile life can be. or rather it was a revelation. I just thank God that everything is ok now, I can't sleep. Maybe I don't want to. There is just so much to live up to. And I know it's not easy. It will be difficult, it will be no fun. But before God and man I say this, I will.

Love

2010-09-26T19:25:00.000-07:00

^"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. " 1 cor 13

I've been seeing a few break ups posts on facebook and it simply strengthened my resolve. The love the world looks at is hardly close to love. It's sad that the love that we have for our friends, partner, or even family has become so degraded from the actual standard of love God wants us to have. And with degraded love comes consequences. It's easy to love the lovable people, but when was the last time you tried to love someone detestable? It is not humanly possible, and it's really love that comes from God.

Bye aj8, Hi X42j :D

2010-09-22T06:31:00.000-07:00

Got a new laptop! An ASUS X42J, really good deal for it's specs, quad core i7 processor even. was able to run bad company 2 on it on medium settings, pretty darn good for a 1350. Unfortunately it's now over at rp in some cabinet waiting for my collection tommorrow. I had to send it for configuration and had to take it by 5pm, my trip to tekong was supposed to end and send me back to RP by 430 but they went waaaay past the time. it does give you a feeling of restlessness to know that they "won't be responsible for any loss". Bah I'll just stop thinking so much and take it tommorrow.

Tekong vist was pretty interesting, not anything new I learnt but hey, got a few combat rations that I'll use in stong :D They said dun be shy and just take, so I did! hahaha

The bittersweet

2010-09-12T14:30:00.000-07:00

Yeap it's bittersweet. Bad news first. My phone died while I was running AHM, i reckon it had something to do with sweat and water, died by drowning. On top of that, my laptop died, keeps hanging after the first few mins, died of old age? Oh and strangely my sister's laptop has the SAME problem. Worse thing is, I still got 2 UTs to take and I NEED A LAPTOP TO DO SO. or else I will be taking it on paper and will not be able to refer to notes like everyone else. And it's the 2 harder modules! what luck.

On the bright side, NCC running club did quite well for AHM! here's the results for our category:

21KM LOCAL DEFENCE PARTNER TEAM
1 Joint Team 1 (OCS) 17:08:55
2 DSO Team 1 20:07:03
3 DSTA Team 1 21:42:09
4 NCC 23:29:05
5 RSAF Team 1 23:54:15
6 ST Kinetics 25:53:46
7 ST Electronics Team 1 27:02:07
8 ST Kinetics Team 2 27:06:31
9 RSAF Team 2 27:09:30

4th!!!! Hahaha and we beat RSAF :P I felt as if I could have done better and didn't hit my goal of 2hrs 15 mins. I hit roughly about 2hrs 30mins. But hey, I guess look onthe bright side eh? We didn't do bad at all!

2010-09-10T11:56:00.001-07:00

Been awhile, as always. Few things on my mind right now.

First one's AHM, been corbo loading and it SUCKS. Darn never has pasta tasted that plain in my entire life. But well, I'll do what I must even if it's suffering for now, been training so long for it and I ain't gonna let myself, or my team, or my corps down. It's on this sundaaaaaay.

I'm still in the midst of my UTs as well. Should be focusing more on studies instead of doing unimportant things like this, facebook and youtube. daaarn. 3 down, 2 to go, they put the most difficult ones for last :( sports coaching and sports sociology. sigh, and it's directly after my AHM I'm so screwed.

Another thing, THE WHOLE WORLD is telling me to make a move on the girl I like. Darn. I hate it when this happens, like all your best friends tell you to do something that your reluctant to do. Why don't I make a move yet? Because I don't think the time is right yet, I don't wanna rush into things and end up breaking a heart. I don't want this to just be about me, it's not just me getting a girlfriend it's being there for that person. But i'm nowhere near even being close friends with her.

Perhaps I think too much, maybe I'm just scared, idk. Yes I know, I'm 20 this year and I havent had a girl in my life, but what's the point of having a girl only to lose her and turn bitter towards that person which you loved so dearly? Maybe I'm afraid, the nature of my job isn't something many girls can accept, being away for long periods of time, being away for unknown time and destination, not easy. As sheereen put it, "You'll never find one in singapore." Sadness. God give me a girl that's gonna prove that statement wrong.

2010-08-11T08:01:00.000-07:00

Alot has happened since i last bloged, again i find it a challange to keep updating but probably will do so once in a long while. The main thing that have passed would be Airborne, I got selected, sent to training and came out an Airborne trooper! or Airborne cadet officer at least. The feeling of jumping out of an aircraft at a thousand feet high is more amazing than what I imagined it would be, a real dream come true. I'll never forget my first jump, being the first in line, standing at the edge of the ramp of the chinook ch-47, waiting for the jumpmaster's tap and go, the 5 seaconds free fall, counting louder than I ever did before while free falling, feeling the shock of the chute catching air, the flight, the sight, and finally the landing. Amazing.

Met some really cool people who're gonna be my bosses and co-workers in the future. saw the life of a commando from an NS man's perspective, saw what my future would somehow be like. CDOs FTW! Though not everything is awesome, like the time you get to spend with family and freinds.

Food for thought: If you in the midst of changing a habit in your life, and have a genuine desire to change but are not quite there yet, are you considered a hypocrite?

2010-05-07T11:05:00.000-07:00

The emo season, thats what kelvin called it. Maybe it's hit me. It saddens me to see that people who so joyfully pass out of a course in number one, reciting the Cadet Officers creed, cannot even commit a single 2-3 hours of a saturday morning. Only 17 out of the 44 new cadet officers are coming for the meeting, sadly, thats life. I put so much heart and soul into NCC, so so very much. Can you please, please just hear me out?

It pains me even more to see my cadet officers being stubborn and refusing to learn, to walk a path that will hurt them. It feels like bloody shit that I can't do anything. I tried talking but some refuse to accept what I have to say, and it sucks to say it but I hope those that walk down the wrong paths will get hit hard and learn it the hard way, better then living life the wrong way, all the way.

2010-04-19T07:29:00.000-07:00

Alright, just a short one...

Schools started and it's been pretty good so far except for 1 pretty demanding faci(not that it's bad but it does affect your grades because of daily grading system) and i'm finally going for outdoor lessons! this thursday will be my first one @ bukit timah :D

Alright, besides that, went to check the price for ropes, there's a store at beach road that sell dynamic rope for $6 a meter.....insanely expensive if you ask me. The "industry standard" of 60 meters would cost $360!!! but mark said there are cheaper sources elsewhere so i shall wait and see. If all goes well i will get everything needed to do my own rappelling. :D

Also just added weight to my aug model and salvaged my dad's old Gerber multi tool, it's gonna serve me pretty well, replace the SOG the darned cops took from me the other time :(

2010-04-15T05:29:00.000-07:00

Rappelling for affirm was awesome! Here's a video of affirmation ceremony from cyber pioneer!

Not sure if everyone can access but this one is the full video on rappelling itself:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=623842824#!/video/video.php?v=381085262012&ref=mf

Anyway, just went to run and found out I really got worse, perhaps it's because i was wearing my no.4 boots and a black army pants but the differance is way too much and I have come to the conclusion that I shall abstain from eating all those fast food I have been having especially in HQ when the others begin to order macs/kfc/etc. Airborne selection's on 28th april and i didn't mantain my stamina, damn. time to stop being complacent.

First day of schools been great! saw some familiar faces and AT FREAKIN LAST NO MORE MATHS! HOOAAH!! i'm gonna have outdoor lessons as soon as next week, at bukit timah, how freaking awesome is that man! PTL!

2010-04-04T07:13:00.001-07:00

Getting more interested in NCC running club, seems like there's a whole lot of good things i can learn, things that will benefit someone like me with the career i'm pursuing. However chances are that it's trainings are gonna be on sat mornings. Darn. Really hope it'll be on afternoons, then I can attend BB in the morning at least.

Been crazy on my sleep timings the past few days, went to hougang on friday to celebrate tm's b'day. I knew it was gonna last till freakin 3 am in the morning so I cycled there, didn't expect to pay 36 bucks for Kbox. What a friggin reap-off, sheesh. anyway, here's the breakdown:

>thursday night, cycled back from hougang after helping Kian Ming's unit, and slacking at his house till 3am
>friday night, reached home at about 3:30am after horrible-friggin-reapoff-kbox
>got up at 8am to go for the running club meeting at 9am in HQ
>went to kevin's house at 2pm for the BB TGIF
>went to Raymond and Wei hao's B'day chalet at night, left at around 9:30pm
>went to blk 236 bbq pit near my house cause Mark's cadet had a birthday party there and they couldn't finish the food.
>slept late cause mark and seb decided to stay over at my place.

Sheesh. I gotta sleep soon tonight and get back my lifestyle. What happened to waking up at 5:30 for my morning PT...

2010-03-31T07:52:00.000-07:00

I'm getting very easily agitated with all things related to BB. Maybe it's the way I am being treated, maybe it's the things I need to do for them on top of all my other stuff. I even wanted to just let it out and hang up on Terry just now. was gonna blast hong sheng if he assumed i havent given the updates. idk whats wrong, perhaps i'm overloaded and my mind just wants to rest and stop thinking for a short moment. I don't like the way amos and narash talks when it comes to bb. Yes I did say I would help but do remember I am a volunteer. I do have my priorities and obviously my Corps would come before this. It was supposed to be me helping out with whatever I am free to help out with, not kneel-before-you-do-as-you-command. Try me, Perhaps it's been too long that I've been nice.

2010-03-27T07:37:00.000-07:00

Ran 20km today! haha didn't do that well as I had no time to train intensively thanks to the many camps and HQ activities but hey, I made it through in 2hours 14 mins. Really nice to push myself and see how far I can go. Maybe next time I'll be running more, especially after joining the NCC running club, heard they got plans for AHM and standard chart.

Anyway, was in HQ few days back for rappelling, real cool stuff, then staying over for the next day's training. We had time to slack and everything so at night we watched pearl harbour. Yes it was a movie, but it was based on something that actually happened. Sailors who were trapped alive in the arizona and other ships, reaching out though small gaps in the hulls created by the men trying to save them and holding the hands of the men above, but eventually drowning and dying. It got me thinking about how cruel humans can be, that because of a simple difference of believes and idealogies a nations can go to war, that children would become orphans, that women get raped and men slaughtered mercilessly by revenge killings of all horrible forms, drowning, burning, bayonet, bullets, bombs you name it.

God must have left the earth during world war 2, I thought. Is it wrong to think that way? Honestly I do not know. What I do know is that it strengthen my resolve to be what I want to be. Yes I do agree that majority of people in this day and age are probably more civilised, that world opinion matters and that does indeed stop some wars, that the chance of Singapore going to war is extremely slim, but I'm not gonna leave this to chance. I don't ever want to see the people I know suffer the way our ancestors did. I want to be able to protect the people I love.

2010-03-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

Just been through another barrage of camps. First one was Advance Drills Course, Which I really loved because in a sense I got to be a cadet all over again, you see, even as a C/LTA, trainees are treated equally. And I'm really glad they didn't place all the CLTs into a single platoon as the result would be different. It's kinda like reliving the past, not having to plan anything, not giving commands, no need to check with all the appointment holders how they're doing...just do as your told, and give a 100% in everything.

I was asked if I were aiming for an award, the best CLT trainee award, but I said no. My reasoning is this, I must always put in my 100%, if I do in the end get the award, praise the Lord! it's a bonus, but if I don't, I will still take pride in myself because I have done my best. I shared this with a few of the cadet trainees and I hope they would think about it, that it's about the attitude thats gonna get you far. And...I got the award in the end anyway XD PTL!

Seacond one was the BB bike expedition camp. Actually didn't manage to sleep before it and was utterly tired in it. But I'd say that it's a good start as I managed to talk to some of the boys and get to know them better, Jia Hao and Lancelot for example. Hopefully I'll be able to be more of a mentor to them then just another guy they have to listen to.

I love camps, but then again I've been to so many camps I'm not sure if it's good for my family, I know they'd definitely like to see me around more often. And although I know it IS going to be like this for a much longer time when I go into the army, and it may be kind of a stepping stone for my family to "get used to it" maybe it's time to find a balance and draw the line. Family's important too.

2010-03-11T21:03:00.000-08:00

Just finished yet another camp STEEL. Super tired to the max, also because in the midst of it I was practicing rappelling for affirmation ceremony, then after the camp ended still went to help out for another district's trainfire because they really lacked manpower. Got up today with an incredible ache in my chest and arms, must be because of all the pull ups and push ups done for fun on day zero XD. At least I did waaay better for this camp as an OC, now it's time to maintain that standard. You are what you repeatedly do, so excellance is a habit. Got BB in the morning tommorrow and i'm told to teach how to use the bicycle -.- will plan for it after lunch.

2010-03-08T21:27:00.000-08:00

I'm bored at home the moment I've got nothing to do. man. Just read up abit on knowledge inquiry, a module offered in JCs (dun ask me why I was truly bored!) and I thought it really resembled the 2 Cognitive thinking modules i took in year 1, kinda cool, very intriguing. A simple question like is knowledge true? can keep you going for the whole day. definitions, reasearch, reasoning and all.

Thinking of getting someone to go to the gym with me. maybe kian ming? haha alright, gonna go for lunch and then I'll see about the gym. I'll be gone from tonight till 11th as well...Another camp STEEL! haha :D

2010-03-07T00:46:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking lately, praying for a change. And I know it will start with me, God grant me the courage to step up and start moving. I know you gave me the position for a good reason. I'm gonna start a cell in my district.

Courage. I once read this somewhere, that courage is not the absence of fear, but the recgonition that something else is more important than fear. I think it's really well said. I want to change the lives of the people put under my charge, not just in how well they can teach trainfire lessons or run a camp, but in how they live their lives as well. And I know that I can't do it, but it is only through God that this is possible. It's been because of him that I am who I am today, that secondary 3 cadet who didn't want to go for spec course, who completely sucked at drills, who was a total clown, and now the cadet officer overall in charge for an entire district. It's not possible by my strength alone. Thank you God, continue to guide me, continue to use me.

2010-03-04T08:57:00.000-08:00

"What's the next event" "Check strength" "who reported sick, what happened? where? when? which platoon? which school?"...

Just some of the things that goes through my mind over and over again when running camps. And yet mistakes happen, Wrong influence, wrong judgement. I've really got to know when to draw the line, I feel as though I did really badly for the last camp STEEL. But no matter, It shall be a lesson. Apart from that theres central management. Change. I taste it. It's gonna get better.

On the non NCC side of my life, holidays are quite boring I find, funny how I used to adore them and spend every minute playing pc games. Thank God I'm not the same anymore but yes, it gets boring. So exercise comes in! Been running and gyming and swimming. Here and there, in prep for the 20 click DE run, and also for personal fitness.

Also there's this irritating state of mind that i'm in. It irritates me because I know that i shouldn't be falling in love and every logical aspect of my mind tells me its something useless now at least, yet I can't help it. I find myself thinking about her, and then getting irritated over it. Confusing ain't it.

2009-12-12T07:20:00.000-08:00

Birthday suprise!

Hmm. Not what you'd call a normal birthday I guess. My first suprise gift went like this- There was supposed to be a Central meeting today. and I was just thinking about it on my way home from helping out in 58th COC POP, so I called KH:
Me: "Hey Clement here ah"
KH: "uh huh?"
Me: "whos spearheading the meeting tommorrow ah?"
KH: "You lor!"

The rest is history. I spent my first one and a half hours planning for the central meeting.

Here comes the second suprise gift of today: I was appointed by a general consenses to officially be the OIC for central. It was announced to all the new Cadet Officers. I smell a crap-storm of work coming my way, but i'm gonna try my very best to put kingdom values into the hearts of the CLTs and cadets of central.

The third gift wasn't half bad at all! Mark payed 10 bucks for a D&G pair of shades which I paid another $12 for. Considering his financial status I REALLY ABSOLUTELY APPRICIATE the action. Really.

The fourth one was...haha interesting. Pearlyn and nicolette gave me a gift together with a card signed by the 08 NDP peeps and my cell, after 19 layers of wrappers I found a kiddish toy pistol imitation of a colt 1911 and I LAUGHED MY ARSE OFF! It made my day! Not so bad for the later part of the day I guess, God's been good! ;)

2009-12-09T08:57:00.000-08:00

He's a good friend. A real good friend. He's in a world of shit and all I can do is talk. Damn it. There's gotta be something more. God show me.

2009-12-08T16:56:00.000-08:00

Heck what do you know, I passed my maths! lol. and other modules seem ok but not as good as last sem. Gonna have another UT later on and I havent even revised! what am I doing. Well at least it's Cognitive, the one and only module I actually like this sem :)

Anyway, heard a lot of stories recently in HQ am I am BLOODY pissed. What's this bullshit I hear about cadet officers trying their luck on female cadets? and it's not just one, I swear it's Damn bloody irritating. Why the hell do you come back to HQ? What is your purpose? Damn it, wake up lah people. Yes, I do agree that some of them may be attractive and your age gap may not be a big difference, but firstly, it's not ethical at all to have a officer-cadet relationship, there is no bloody professionalism in that. Secondly age gap is not the problem, it's their age, FREAKING hell they're just sec 3 damn it. What are you going to achieve by following your bloody emotions? and break up with them once your through with them and leave them in the lurch? Screw you guys. Don't ever let me hear from yourselves about trying your luck on them. I'll make a good example outta you.

Cadet officers may not be perfect, but this is overboard. Screw it, people like you guys are lowering all our standards.

2009-12-06T10:01:00.001-08:00

Gonna recce for swim gear, gonna start training with mark and possibly sebastian and haikal. Haven't gone for kapap yet. I'm such a procrastinator -.- So this is how it's gonna be, 3 times a week. thats gonna bring a big smile into my boring life now :D

Been having small bursts of emotions. And it got me thinking, Emotions are stupid. Seriously, when emotions are high, intellegence is usually low. So, that means I block out and kill my emotions? Nah. I believe God made emotions for a reason. It's just knowing when's the right time. Talked with mark about relationships and it again pushed the question into my mind,how much longer do you want to wait and what have you done to take action?

Truth is, I guess i'm ok with waiting a little longer, or even starting up something but the problem lies with the second portion of the question. I haven't done anything to take action. Therefore, taking action would be jumping behind enemy lines without an objective and a map. It's about time I do something, and I probably suck badly at it but everyone's gotta start somewhere eh?

2009-11-23T08:20:00.000-08:00

Haha, hey I'm going to camp tommorrow!!! Wahahahahaha what a relieve. finally a break. Been using the eumora bar and my face seems to be in the healing stage. More pimples :/ But yeah, my skin does feel tight. Wei yuan and Teck meng may sign up tommorow(guess what? i just tithed yesterday ain't God GOOD?), seems good but i'm just afraid teck meng may not be committed. He always had a low level of committment to practically everything. So if he buys but doesn't sell i'd be making money outta his lost. I won't accept that. If he joins i'm gonna make DAMN WELL SURE he makes profit as well. Anyway, I've decided i'm signing up for kapap. :D muahahaha

Money issues aside. I've just been asked to be the OIC of central. ain't gonna be easy. Sigh. why did I say I was willing? I dunno. But it sure got me into a world of crap. Gotta form up the structure and submit to the TCO by tommorrow. Bah. Anyway, just got a whole bunch of stuff recently, I should really be controlling myself. Got a rack for my guns, an M6, a pair of NVGs, a set of elbow/knee guards and a walkie talkie. And i'm gonna spend on Kapap as well. Well at least money's coming in from the business. Darn i'm talking about money again! ah, gonna catch some rest for tommorrow.

BTW this song is awesome and is stuck in my head :D

2009-11-17T21:30:00.000-08:00

i'm dyyyying in year one with all this boring modules, gotta do something nice quick! Pakour, FIBUA, anything! it's been so mundane lately, go school, go home, in front of the com the whole day long. Darn. Anyway, going out this sunday with mark to look for that military shop in bedok...gonna bring a smile to my face. and yea, been missing trainings for trekking, mainly because the people there...dun really train hard. and i dun see the ig going far.

Thinking of learning kapap, an isreali martial art, it's relatively affordable, 10 bucks an hour, 2 hours a week, it's student price!

2009-11-11T22:05:00.001-08:00

Just because the system says you will get better grades doesn't mean you ask stupid redundant questions. It defeats the purpose, why encourage asking for the sake of asking? and what the hell's up with watching porn in class while others are presenting? Really, i'm beginning to be sick of certain things being done by people but still I must admit, it's already an epic blessing to be in a course of choice so I'm just gonna have take it. The world ain't perfect and it'll never be. Too bad.

2009-11-10T17:53:00.000-08:00

Found out more about the company, seems fine for now, though i won't deny the possibility of other groups abusing the system but, this seems ethical if you wanna make it an ethical business. Will get a better picture after today's entrepreneurship lesson about price for quality/function. Finally, something I can make use of.

Speaking of today's lesson, people are starting to get on my nerves. All wayang, like very hard-working, but in actual fact, one just sends his friends work and claims credit for helping the team, another nags about work but laughs and claps like a fool over some korean show and... ugh, I'll just stop at here. I'm not all hard-working either, playing company of heroes but at least I make damn sure I complete my task before I play.

2009-11-08T04:31:00.000-08:00

Been doing research on mlms... Seems really bad. The main game is this, you recruit people, they pay up some a wad of cash somehow or another, and then you earn from it. Where there is a product involved, the goods may not be sold out to consumers, due to a high pricing to pay numerous uplines, but just passed down the lines to distributors of different levels. So yes, people earn, but those on the bottom sometimes lose out.

If this company i'm in is making money on others lost then i'm cutting losses and bailing out. It seems like the recruiting game just like any other mlm. Yea sure, i can make money out of it, but what if the people i recruit can't sell the goods? Then i'm making money on their loss and thats something i will never accept. Gonna clarify things with the coach assigned to me and my sis.

2009-11-05T08:01:00.000-08:00

Helping my sister get started with some business thingy. It's a company selling facial bars and looked pretty much like an mlm so i was pretty darned skeptical at first. And although they did use certain techniques that originated from mlm, it's not completely an mlm.

Not that mlms are all bad,(Tupperware a good example) but people tend to make use of others in such systems. Corporate world i guess, big fish eats small fish. The product itself is quite amazing, seeing all the members faces with really good complexion. More importantly the people she's in contact are APPARENTLY pretty nice, and concentrates more on the personal growth of people rather than the money. well, you can never be too sure when it comes to business. Just hope that stuff goes out all right, my family's financial isn't getting any better and we could really use the extra money.

Don't agree with everything the company does though, the seminars were a tad bit too brain-wash like for my comfort and i hope they don't get any youngsters into trouble. Really. You can make money but it's definitely not as easy as they'd like you to see it. No such thing as easy money.

2009-10-24T04:06:00.000-07:00

venturing into BB. Nice one for the alarm failing on me and being late. what a shitty way to start the day. ran all the way to the mrt station and then somemore at bishan. also got a small lecture which I deserved (actually I deserved more then a lecture, felt like punching my face.) Not sure if joining is the right thing to do, i mean, heck i got enough on my sleeves already. ah hell. we'll just see how it goes.

Feeling moody today, dunno whats wrong with myself. Perhaps i'm dissapointed with myself, perharps it's the loneliness, perhaps i'm just being stupid, I dunno. feel like such a failure even though i know i'm not that big of a failure. bah. talking nonsense.

2009-10-21T06:02:00.000-07:00

Irritated with the current semester. I don't see any relation of most of my modules to my course. What has new web, enterpreneurship, marketing and bloody maths got to do with outdoor and adventure learning. Or better, what has it got to do with my future as a soldier. sigh. When the shit hits the fan you just gotta suck it up and take the shit. RP's not gonna change anything unless some big shot sees the flaws in its systems and complains, and the possibility of that happening is like Lee Kuan Yew dropping by my house for tea.

Been thinking about myself and what I want in terms of a relationship. Duh I want someone to call my own, who wouldn't? But then again rushing into it is mostly gonna cause more harm than good. Some say I've already waited too long, 19 years and never had a girl. But those same people are ridden with sorrow when they break up. "when it's time to walk that way, we want to walk it right."

Kapap seems good. Looks like it's better than krav maga! i'm so gonna take it up...provided i can afford it.

2009-08-17T10:52:00.001-07:00

once again, it's a post from outta nowhere. yeaps. UT3 is coming up soon and i'm bleady bored making notes from the 6ps. it definitely help though. signed up for mount kinabalu from synergy, if i use the maximum sponsors by the school and stuff i only have to pay a hundred bucks, but will need to pay more for future expeditions. i want to go for another shot to reach the summit. hopefully the weather will be good this time. their also going down by via ferrata! which is damn cool can!(its actually the main reason why i signed up)

manpower for central this month is thrash. both poly and ITE are having exams. JCs are always MIA. sigh. really something has to be done about such situations. Anyway, need to meet up my specs again to revise our current unit system as the schools system for CCAs really sucks to the core for uniformed groups.

terry's gonna bring me to cranberra sec next sat to see the BB unit as we may become officers there, by then I will be insanely busy. why? poly. trekking. NCC HQ. NCC HIHS. BB cranberra. let's pray the previous DC's decision to place me to help fu chun sec NCC does not stand. Or all that will remain of me is a pus filled meat bag completely wasted on the floor. lol, sorry for the graphics but yea, hell of a challenge.

CCAs aside, tommorows gonna be the last lesson for E35L! Damn time flies. Gonna miss them lively bunch of crazy people, but thats life, people come and go, leaving memories on the walls of your mind. Oh and I finally got a watch for myself! lol. I really needed one man. keeping track of timing for all sorts of occasions especially for my running. and a flat phone battery ain't gonna be aproblem no more ;) haha. but seriously, the prices of watches are extremly ridiculous. mine cost 48 and it's like the around the 3rd cheapest price I found among all the the watches. the more impressie ones like the pro-trek series from casio easily cost 300+ O.o and I just can't rely on pasar malam watches cause they spoil too easily with the conditions I put them through. Rain, mud and all. lol.

well, been a supeer long post, time to go back to summarising the 6ps...bleh.

2009-07-09T23:32:00.000-07:00

Centrals gonna have a change of command, hmm. wonder how things are gonna work out. Anyway, have been having some interesting events lately, like helping out for AYG(asian youth games) in victory ceremonies, going for the appreciation dinner tonight. Then booking in to camp. Got to see altheletes from all over asia as far as the middle east, quite cool actually.

Got bored in the morning and went blog hopping, found shana's(a specialist from scgs in the recent spec courses) blog to be really inspiring, for a girl her age especially. Kudos to her parents for bringing her up this way, really really rare. May she continue to grow in God.

Just visited stomp by clicking a friend's link on her msn. I feel this world is going to hell in a handbasket. it's really sad, click on the good deeds section and you see 2 posts, click on the caught in the act section and you see a counless amount of posts, and get a glimpse of how immature and unreasonable people can get with their comments. And i don't think it's just singaporeans, it's all over the freaking world. I remember watching this awesome video about a girl with some speech to the UN, simply blew my mind. Just watch, if only the adults of the world was as mature as a young girl.

This world's not going anywhere, and God's not gonna come down and zap our mentalities to be the right ones, it just doesn't work that way. The worlds going down, and one day, Christ is going to come back. Only then will there be no more wars, no more sickness, no more hunger. But the sad fact is that most of humanity will go to hell.

2009-06-23T18:07:00.000-07:00

Alright. been a long time. lots of things cropping up here and there. I realized i missed a re UT last week during my camp. it's unfair! just because of technical problems. sign. well whats over's over. just gotta move on and make extra effort to do damage control.

Been assigned to assist fuchun sec. kai lin's my assistant in this. sigh. i see some problems with that.(RGS-RJC person doesn't exactly blend with kids that join gangs and retain sec 1 for 3 years.)

lots of things cropping up in district level. gonna be real damn busy. I REALLY need to prioritize and organize, keep my crap together and keep moving. this is really gonna burn me but i'm gonna grow from it.

Put me into the fire Lord, but be there with me so i may come out forged by fire.

2009-05-30T03:41:00.000-07:00

CRAP H1N1.

My brunei trip is cancelled. awww. Heck, now they are suggesting going to pulau ubin to learn jungle survival skills. Sigh the ups and downs of life. heck, I'm just gonna be contented with what i have.

Anyway...Got another interview with commandos this monday, after which i gotta haul ass all the way to SISPEC for spec course. got alot of camps this holidays which is gonna make me a happy man! :D I've got 2 spec courses, 1 possible survival course and of course, a non residential one in HIHS. That makes a total of four! ha.

Praise the God who gives, and the God who takes away.
P.S. God please get SAF to approve my sponsorship quickly so my school fees will be settled.

2009-05-18T08:03:00.000-07:00

So we tested out the ghillie suits...not that excellent. guess SAF was reaaally right about the new uniforms colour despite being flamed by fashion as "moss" "ugly" or whatever else comes to mind. I only got 2 pics actually. And a few videos which i haven't uploaded whatsoever.

so these are the 2 photos, and my sniper rifle:

This is a video we got, i choose a bush with the right colours matching my suit and it worked perfectly. pity my camera is pretty lousy(like duh, handphone camera?)

2009-05-08T04:09:00.000-07:00

I AM ECSTATIC! OVERJOYED! WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS!

Yea yea, i haven't updated in a century but that's besides the point, you see, recently nothing but good things have been happening and i know it's all thanks to God!

Things like what you ask?

Well let's see. First of all, after praying just last sunday that i want to get rong king to know Christ, last Wednesday he ASKED me to bring him to church, on his own! that just blows my mind how fast God works, and, even more! I GET TO GO TO BRUNEI FOR JUNGLE TRAINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND!

I JUST WENT FOR COMMANDO SELECTION TODAY! And i felt that it went quite well, especially the interview part...and the one and only bad part is my standing broad jump, but the guy said that physical isn't as important as the interview and the psycho test I'm gonna have to do on Monday.

WAHAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND!!!!!

I COMPLETED MY GHILLIE SUIT! WITH AN AWESOME LOOKING SNIPER RIFLE!
hahaha my dad says I'm mad, i believe I am! gonna use my ghillie suit for the next war game or camp I have in school :D

I'm probably only gonna take photos tomorrow when I test the the both suits together with Sebastian, I'll upload some photos then. HAHA UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!!!(losing my mind)

2009-03-30T17:50:00.000-07:00

Alright guys, gonna be in camp later till thursday, so you guys wun be able to contact me by phone (cause i dun have a non-camera phone...) All the best to Rong King whose gonna get his DAE results later! Really hope and pray you can join me dude, it's be awesome. I also see mystery person hasn't replied. lol you got till thursday to think of a comeback, hey thats alot of time fella!

2009-03-29T01:42:00.000-07:00

Yea, rppp is over, waiting for 20th april where my real term begins. these few days has been.....really interesting. i thought ricky was smsing me, and i tried to be nice but hey, he started scolding me, so i gave him a mouthful. WHO KNEW, erica was pulling my leg!!!!! what a waste of my time and effort thinking of what to say to him that may help :/ lol but yes it was kinda funny i gotta admit. And EVERYONE knew about it!! everyone but me :/. haha, miss those crazy people already.

Anyway, sebastian and shaz are in COC, too bad i couldn't go as an instructor. and i've been thinking about airborne course and jungle survival, i want to go for em, but will they affect my results? cause it's like 2 weeks during school time(yea, unfortunately sec school hols ain't the same as poly hols). i better make sure i can afford to miss those classes if i'm to commit myself to those courses.

and then of course, there's that mysterious character lingering around my tagboard.... really, can you tell me at least where i know you from? it'd be quite a game :D hahaha, ah well, i guess thats it for today!

2009-03-12T20:17:00.000-07:00

Alright, so class today wants to let us know about how to use blogs, so this is a demonstration to show that i roughly know how to use a blog -.-" anyway, funtwo is an awesome guitarist, enjoy the music!

2009-03-11T18:20:00.000-07:00

an update! been running every morning for awhile now, before classes.....in hope of getting a better napfa result on 15 april. signing up for the SAF scholarship cause...my family's fianances are really in a turmoil. darn. God i'll just trust in you to provide me with what i need, and to make known to me what is it i NEED and what is it i WANT. thank you Lord. Oh well, class is starting, cya all!

2009-02-23T07:49:00.000-08:00

Finally an update yea? lets see, schools been pretty relaxed so far, even had the time to watch SAS survival secrets in class. also talked on msn and was on facebook. lol. Janine sent me this link to a video about "charlie the unicorn" and GOSH it's IRRITATING. lol. if i ever met a cadet who spoke like that i'll darn well make sure he either changes his tone or he'll never dare to speak in front of me again! lol.

Anyway, got 3 fighting fish from Rong King, who, i think has way too many. Heck, he even succeded in breeding them and is on his way to the second batch. quite nice fishes to look at though, especially when your bored or simply rotting at home.

NCC's going through quite alot of changes, and though not everyone agrees completely with the dc, me included in some aspects, I do acknowledge that he IS in fact doing a great job and is probably a hundred times better than the last. Let's wait for time to reveal things, but for now i believe things are gonna get better. Went weapon shopping with Sebastian today-lol. He got 3 weapons ( M4, remmington 860 and Mp5-RAS) and i got an M4 to replace the one which broke centuries ago.

"Lord, my mind is weak, help me lord to stand firm in what is right. Help me control my eyes, my thoughts and my actions."

2009-02-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

The truth will set you free...Oh so true haha. Never imagined it would turn out better then i thought it would. Haha yea. Lord, for a moment, I was relying on my own strength Listening to my own voice. I see my folly now. Teach me lord to walk your ways, give me the signs as to who and when. Rest my heart and still it from foolish lies and deception. I know that your all i need, that I can find comfort in you, that you alone are more than enough for me, for your love and grace never fails. Thank you Lord.

2009-02-13T19:01:00.000-08:00

camp was awesome, really got to know the other students much better through it. my arms are now much darker then my legs due to long pants....haha. really fun and educational, makes you think alot.

anyway um, i'm kinda confused, lol. wondering if i'm being over sensitive. it all mixes up and what to do next i don't know. are they signals? mere entertainment? what? lol i'm such a noob at this. yes honesty and sincerity are important but do i have to be tactful with things like hints and signals? wait i dun even KNOW if they are signals. lol. look at me. Anyway, yes i'm going insane over what to do.

Happy valentines day to all anyway, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO VAL! haha have fun learning to cook nonya dishes from dad, i hope your friends won't die from your cooking! wahahahaha~ i'm gonna get killed for this :P

2009-02-08T00:52:00.000-08:00

I'm a happy man! hahaha, I'll be going to a camp for the next 5 days, it'll be like OBS, in a sense that there will be kayaking, trekking, rock climbing and stuff. totally awesome.

I learned to operate the SAR21 last thursday and it was much easier then the M16! salutes to the guys who designed it. it combines the reliability of the AK-47 with the accuracy of the M16. it also has a bullpup design so it's perfect for FIBUA(fighting in built up areas)

"the fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control." -Lord let me grow even more in you, that all these will be evident in me.

2009-02-04T06:24:00.000-08:00

Alright, updates...

POLY:
got a nice new digit camou bagpack and a pair of grey hi-tec shoes for poly. So far, the poly prep course has been good except for the long breaks which i guess I'll just have to get used to. Rong king plans to join my course! if he does we'll probably go swimming or use the gym during those breaks. Oh and there are only 22 DPA students, amazing, i(and the rest of us) were expecting much more. Got along quite well, got alot of extroverts and jokers like GArY, lol. Unfortunately I'm gonna skip tomorrows afternoon lessons to go for my NCC SAR21 trainfire(hey i only need to achieve 85% attendance so that's ok right? I DO have to learn how to operate the SAR21 if i'm gonna participate in future events anyway so i gotta learn now), which leads me to...

NCC:
Rushed down to HIHS after school today, had a decent talk with Mr Tan and things look good, he is willing to change the trainings to fridays from march and then 3 months after that. Can't do a permanent change this year because Mr Sim has some course every friday this year. I'll be able to rush down every friday to school by then. He said he'll change it to friday permanently next year, I'm counting on that for my one hours dose of NCC a week, lol. I really have to say that I greatly appreciate Mr Tan's understanding and co-operation. It REALLY helps that we have a commanding officer that actually cares. I've got SO many things to teach them, unarmed combat, bayonet fighting, FIBUA, tactical movement......oh yea, I'm still waiting for the hierarchy list. darn it clement teo it's a simple thing!

Friends:
Gonna have a lunch with one of my ITE lecturer and my ex classmates, kinda miss they're senseless joking and slaying them on cs/bf2. LOL. hope the whole gang can come the following saturday. other than that i had a honest talk with another friend. I do hope that it won't cause us to feel weird for too long. I'd rather be downright honest than keeping everything to myself. I mean, if you wanna be good friends you gotta let the other party know how you feel right? i believe understanding where your friend stands is important, but just for now, I myself is a little confused

Little food for thought:
Emotions are like fire starters in a barbecue pit. They get the fire started easily, but they alone are not enough to cook the food. charcoal has to be added in appropriate amounts and in right ways. there's alot of commitment to achieve your goals.

2009-01-28T08:38:00.000-08:00

I hate it when he scolds me for being noisy at night when his tv is no different :/

bleh. that aside. went to beach road because Sebastian insisted he wanted to go today. i told him most of the shops would be closed cause it's chu san. lol. he wouldn't listen and we're going back this sat. bummer.Gonna get a bag and maybe a nice digit dessert camou pants. Didn't go to the supposedly last training today because there was none. and if it wasn't for a crappy schedule that the specs just crapped out i wouldn't even know until i'm at the gate of the school. those guys REALLY need to use more brains. i mean the problem last year was that trainings were basically the same everyweek, and it was made boring by 2 thirds consisting of footdrills. when i came back as an officer i made it very clear to them, one hour footdrills, one hour physical training and one hour of fun activities. some of which are in the teaching syllybus as well. so they all agreed to my thoughts but it seems that it died along with year 2008. Looks like i'm gonna have to do something harsh to make them remember. the supposed training schedule for today was like 2 hours drills and one hour physical training. the perfect formula to lose your men's interest. sigh. why must it come to this. I hate to tekan them but it seems as though nothings gonna get into thier head if i don't. I was probably too soft. yea, a soft approach was what i thought should be the way since these guys are already sec4/5. they outta be old enough to think. but the balance is off and i guess i gotta use the 'good ol ways' once in awhile. and i really got to talk to Mr Tan about the training date. it's not beneficial to the cadets at all. how'd you expect them to get a good training AND stay awake on thursday morning classes? sheesh.

2009-01-26T08:27:00.000-08:00

Went visiting today. something cool i found out-music is the key to break the uncanny silence of 2 of my uncles, who are extreme introverts. lol. So i was sitting at the back of dad's van with the two of them and i decided, ok, I'll play some of the oldies i have from my phone, since they, like my dad, probably wouldn't know how to appreciate modern music, lol. so i started to play them out of my speaker and wallah! magic! the both of them sang along! hahaha. it was like some unorganized choir of 3 but i was happy i found something to break the silence.

Anyway, zheng yi wants to create a new system for the HIHS NCC officers. so far it sounds good. But I'll stick to my ways of training the cadets. cause i want to know them well and let them understand what i want for them, it's not just the standard or the fun, it's really about shaping their characters, turning them from boys to men. teaching them morals, and hopefully change their lives for the better. i'm still gonna make it down for as many trainings as i can, and since i'm in charge of combat training, individual field craft and tran-fire/technical handling, I do have a good reason to be there at trainings. i'm gonna fight for the training day to be at sat! we have 26 sec 1 cadets! now that we have proven ourselfs abit here and there, we should have more of a say to irritating biased mr XXXXX XXXX.

2009-01-22T21:42:00.000-08:00

Dreams, Reality, Emotions. all mixed up right now. It's as if God placed the dreams last night as a preperation for what i read today. No i will not follow emotions blindly. They rage in my heart, stirring up non-describable feelings of yearning, but that's the way of the world isn't it? getting into it just because thier emotions tell them to. Getting into it just to take and not to give. Getting into it without a Godly end in mind. I will not go for it until i know that i can resist the flesh, until i can be sure of the compatibility, until i can be a man who abides by the word of God. I won't put her at risk until I'm sure. Let this be a test for me, though my heart yearns like never before even as i type this post. True, I've waited long, but if i rush blindly, the devil will easily attack me at my blindspots. hmm, never let emotions blur your judgement right? waiting an unbearable wait, Lord, it's only through you that i can do this. Your will, your time.

2009-01-11T08:41:00.000-08:00

Went to recon with a few of my NCC guys today, went to a highly vegetated area near sengkang. The grass was waist high, the mozzies were plenty but we just kept walking. (i'm gonna get a machete for the next such trip :D) well it's a good experience for the guys. we later went to the "coastline" which was really just the side of a humongous canal, more like a river actually. well who knew? the "black beach sand" turned out to be knee deep mud and Sebastian went straight into it and got himself stuck. haha. what a klutz i thought. didn't i tell him to check first before plunging yourself into a new environment? any way i decided to give him a hand and what do you know? The algae on the rocks proved too much for my boots grip and i went knee deep as well. worse, my hands as well or it'd be my entire back in sticky gray coloured mud. well so much for helping him. though i did manage to pull my legs excruciating step by agonising step outta the mud, you can't stay still or it'll be harder to get out, so i finally got to the rocks, and finally helped Sebastian out. Boy were we a mess. so Sebastian suggested we wash our legs with the river water and i thought "no way can we get to the water unless getting our thighs plunged in mud." And i was right. once you get off the rocks, it's mud.\, mud and more mud. We even saw a little snake, looked like a baby python to me, consuming a fish and hiding in the safety of the rocks. That was the last straw for us. Back into the vegetation. we soon found a shin deep pool of water in the grass and i ferociously worked on removing the clay like mud of my boots and pants. I doubt any bus driver would let you on their bus with mud like THAT. lol. I pictured a plum 40-year old bus driver going:"uh uhhh..... OUT!" while shaking his head and index finger simultaneously. quite a funny thought. we went on checking out areas that could be used for jungle warfare training and fooled around from time to time, hey no uniform/rank means i'll be a fool with them and enjoy the simple pleasures of life, heh.took some beautiful pictures of scenaries, while the guys mainly focused on stupid pictures like the whole bunch of us sitting one of the construction machines, just like soldiers would take pictures on a tank. lol. i guess dreams can go a long way if the right stuff are put in, so i didn't stop them, also because there wasn't a single construction worker in sight.

well really. i only slept for 2 hours last night and after all that i'm not asleep yet. results are tomorrow you see. that could mean the difference between just dreaming the dream or living the dream. but i'm confident it's the latter this time, my greatest thanks to all you friends keeping me in prayer.

2008-12-20T08:12:00.000-08:00

Many things to blog about, but this post is dedicated to one thing-God.
they say when your away from him, and you take a single step towards him, he'll take a hundred steps towards you. I finally came to understand that recently. you see, recently, i sorta lost my zeal for God. Yes, i'm not going around killing anyone or going against any laws for that matter, but living a life which i thought was ok. I thought. you'd figure i'd learn from my NCC, with a common phrase:"You think i thought who confirm?" started oversleeping for services, spent very little time with God, and basically lost the fire within. 2 days ago out of the blue I deceided to search for "christian rap" in youtube. This was the first one the list:

Coincidence, I don't think so. i went on, from song to song

Honestly. this ain't coincidence, it ain't luck, it's God. it's the first rap song that brought me to tears, making me understand my folly.

2008-12-11T17:16:00.000-08:00

It's my birthday! lol. been doing a whole range of stuff since i last updated. going for NCC, church activities and plenty of playing games actually. well something i really wanna do is to stop using swear words. seriously. it's something that i wrongly pick up from all the people around me and it has become very a bad habit. SO...i'm gonna start today, on my birthday, in a sense being "reborn" lol... i'm gonna do 50 pushups for every swear word that pops outta my mouth... IT'S TIME FOR A REVOLUTION!

that aside.... RONG KING ARE YOU STILL SLEEPING?!?!? still say that you can wake up at 6. yea right...

2008-11-22T02:01:00.000-08:00

Alright....been two weeks since i updated. been sick recently, got no voice now.cough, runny nose and all that crap. well, big events so far, i went to help out with the ncc annual shooting competition. first day was bad, i was the only clt there for the whole day so i was under quite alot of pressure. seacond day was better, at least saw alot of other clts. and we got to fire the SAR21! wohoo! haha, got bronze medal somemore. but the ammo point spec, 3rd sgt abcdefg was such a pain in the rear. i know you dun want to do ns, and got no choice. and ncc cadets are troublesome(cause of thier age, immaturity) and you are feeling down, but when you let your feelings interfere with your job thats just plain unprofessional. come on man, don't you dare look down on us just because we are NCC, you don't even know your weapon well enough by the way you speak so how the hell are you supposed to give us a familiarisation run with the SAR21? and when i asked you the question you didn't even listen properly, i asked how do i ensure it is NOT on auto mode, meaning that my intention is not to let it be on auto mode, not that i want to fire it in auto mode you muppet! you dun even have the basic human to human respect when you talk to people so don't ever expect others to respect you. i'll respect your rank, but not you. you deserved every bit of scolding you got from the warrant officer.

Alright, that aside, today was pretty good, cycled 20 km with the cell. Too bad jj wasn't able to make it. But it was fun, we even stopped by a beach to rest and i thought p6 kid ben how to skid stones on the water surface. brought back memories of when MY father thought me how to do it. When i get a kid i'll make sure i spend time with him on the beach and stuff. great times.

2008-11-05T15:43:00.001-08:00

YAY. haha math paper 2 was a blast. first time math was easy to do. lol. praise God. Anyway, my family's in genting right now and i didn't really wanna go cause i thought it would be boring to shop and stuff. spend money somemore. lol. i'd rather spend my cash on other stuff. hmm, so on the first day, teck meng called me to chat, yes, he's one guy who can beat a girl at chatting on a phone. which unfortunately means i just have to chat him when ever he calls. with the occassional reasoning that oh my dad's ask me to do some chores, which, mostly are true but sometimes....we'll just leave it at that :P but dun get me wrong he's a great fella. whacked out yes, talkative, like no other, can't control his spendings, yea. But a really great friend. lol. and he suggested that i plug my com into my new tv in the living room. so here i am in the living room. lol, it has been my domain for the past 2 days. For those of you gamers out there you should try this kinda stuff once in awhile. i mean, have you ever played battlefield 2 on a 37 inch hd-tv? darn. lol. anyway, at least i make sure i dun rot in front of the tv like some geek freak. went to work out today morning, been cooking all my meals, pasta, veggies meat balls chicken meat and all. heh. what a life.

2008-10-29T04:00:00.000-07:00

HAHA! I OWNED PHYSICS EVEN MORE THAN CHEM! WHAO! THATS JUST WOHOO! PRAISE GOD MAN! heh. tommorows gonna be the last hard paper. Math 2. went for math tution straight after physics exam. thought i did ok. than walk to the bus stop, and saw my 315 driving of. so...i ran. lol ran like heck and beat it to the next stop. yes, i'm nuts. haha. anyway... really must do well for it or all the ownage of science goes to waste. hmm, bad thought. but well! brace yourselfs! i'm going to kick butt tomorrow! haha. Agreed to go gyming tommorrow with who else? Rong king. lol. yea been a long time. after tommorow it's back to a ton of NCC, gym, pakour, and of course, my beloved battlefield 2. most of which i have been pretty darned deprived of due to the exams.

2008-10-28T02:28:00.000-07:00

I wonder, when the time comes, will i be able to put my next foot forward. and again, and again, deprived of food and sleep for days. with insane blisters under my feet, at least 50 kg on my back. and go on, perservering. That's just PART of the SELECTION course for the new zealand Special Air Service. title of the documentary i watched? SAS DOWN AND UNDER: WEEDING OUT THE DREAMERS(episode 1) that title imposes questions about me, i always wanted to be a special forces soldier, but do i have what it takes? only 5 out of the 50 over men got badged in the end. less than 10%. Yea, singapore's commandos selection will probably be much less, but hey, if it's about being the best, can i be of that kind of standard in the future?cause those guys probably own our regular commando units. well lets face it, it's singapore, how many stay in the army after thier ORD? and when they're out, you start to see spare tires and all after awhile. sheesh. there's only that far you can go with rusty knowledge of combat tactics and a weak body. you know what? i'm gonna start training more after this thursday, gonna start training especially on mental strength. perserverance. I've always found the perserverance of war heroes amazing, captivating, motivating. the poor guys who get captured, interrogated and nothing leaks. Not even till death for some. Amazing dun't you think so? i mean, how many of us would be able to keep our mouths num when a glowing hot iron pole is being pressed on to your skin? darn. i'm nowhere near the standard of a special forces soldier now, but they say if you look at your dream as a goal and work like heck towards it your dream will become reality. well just see.

2008-10-26T08:34:00.000-07:00

ok, did more physics...still gotta do a ton of math...and i was thinking about making a specialist camp for my HIHS NCC unit. teach them all the fun tactical things that they need to retain interest in the cadets and teach them how to teach the cadets(sheesh)get thier morale up and all. just inform the teacher officer, and all of us will probably have pay for our own food so as to not put the ncc fund in danger of not having a final year camp. darn. I hope next year i'll be able to come back weekly to help my unit. i heard first year in RP will not allow it as schedules are like 8 to 5 or something for EVERY weekday. i need to keep fighting for our unit to be able to be put on a saturday. Sigh, if only the teachers were half as interested as i am. their lack of interest with the combination of the cca head mr darn darn darn is getting on my nerves. and the they want our unit to get silver? fat hope until co-operation is given on THEIR side. sigh. gonna eat something and get back to work.

2008-10-25T09:09:00.000-07:00

daaarnn. maths 1 wasn't so good. i'm worried. i know it's only a d7 i need but i'm still worried. sometimes it's really hard to get those "what ifs" outta my mind. argh. At least lots of people said it was difficult so hopefully moderation will help? ah well. let me just do my best not to worry so much. worrying does nothing but make you feel bad so i'll do my best to keep it off my mind. or maybe think of.....ONE MORE WEEK! JUST ONE MORE WEEK! lol.

went for prayer meeting yesterday and it was really an eye opener as it was the first time that the topic was about sexuality and bgrs. i mean, you hardly talk about it in church, and sometimes, the world perverts things and make it seem ok, when it actually affects yourself and others. take for example skimpy dressing, short shorts revealing tops whatever, it sends a message like "looks and sex are important to me over character and principles, i wanna look sexy so my partner will continue to like me" and all that crap. if your relationship is based mainly on looks, your realationship is more likely than not(ok maybe 99%?) to end up breaking up with the other party. lots of other interesting things that were talked about, we asked questions, the leaders answered us to the best of thier abilities. heh, i always thought of sexuality as a booming evil destroying many lives, enslaving people being a stronghold and such. But think of it, God knows it, he created it, and he can redeem it.

2008-10-23T06:29:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow's gonna be a big day. Math paper 1. I can do this, i know i can. I studied much harder than last year, just gotta concentrate and it'll be fine. heh. mrs tan gave me a bottle of chicken essence, so nice of her. i've got so much depending on this years o levels, my place in poly, additional fianances from the SAF for the nnext 3 years which will REALLY help out my family, my continuation in NCC, and most importantly, my career in the SAF in the near future. Sucess means all of the above will be possible. Failure means the above will NOT be possible. So much to fight for. I'm NOT gonna be beaten this time. Nope. I thank God for for his providence and guidiance so far, i pray that he'll grant me a clear mind during my examinations so that i will be able to get to poly next year. gonna have to sleep earlier tonight, tommorrows paper starts at 0800. For my future and the glory of God!

WAHOO!

2008-10-20T07:57:00.000-07:00

I OWNED CHEM TODAY!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!i am so confident that i can get like a b3? and all i need is c6 :) wahaha so happy. Teck meng says he can get an A? hmmm we'll see....hahaha. Got a G36E today to replace the one zhon hao dropped. just sprayed the silencer black and i'm waiting for it to dry out. I AM JUST SO ELATED THAT I DID WELL IN CHEM! it's the subject i worried about the most you see, now my number 1 enemy is math, physics is ok. lol. I can do this, So much more with the spirit of God upon me. alright! gonna stop here for today!

HEY LOOK!

2008-10-16T05:12:00.001-07:00

i gave my blog a facelift! Thanks to Janine for the tips! haha. spent quite some time understanding which string of random words letters and marks meant what. but i got it eventually. alright! ok let's see, practical today was...not so good, but it isn't bad to the point where i would fail horribly either. perhaps d7 grade? argh. gonna concentrate on theory papers. Chem is up next, monday. 3 more days till chem becomes a thing of the past. gotta work hard for it.

BWAHAHA

2008-10-15T02:38:00.000-07:00

i own in physics! hahaha such a boost in confidence. Now i know i really can do this! haha. maths is better, chemistry got better as well. Hahaha. ok. That aside, umm, been playing pakour recently. learning and perfecting all the basics, rolls, vaults, the cat, blah blah. AND, i found out that i could scale a pilliar! (provided i can grab it with both my hands.) I STILL cannot do flips, the cartwheel-on-a-wall thingy and lots more. lol. But i'm aching all over, in places i never knew i could ach. Even my butt! like what the....haha it just goes to show that it's really good exercise. I'm gonna be real fit by the time i join ns so i can breeze through commando training ("o)haha alright, tomorrow's the practical and i've gotta go for some relatives wedding dinner-some relative i dun even know the name of. lol it's always the case eh? ah well, gtg iron my shirt and stuff, cya!

today

2008-10-13T19:47:00.000-07:00

I broke my record for pull ups. haha. 17 standard + 1 non-standard. gonna reach my target of 20 soon. Really need to get more discipline to live a life that revovles around God. also need that discipline to sit down and study without distractions in between so it's not like, 1 hour of studying in 1 and a half hour time. sigh. did my chem paper yesterday and i just passed by a margine. gonna try physics today. i REALLY REALLY have to pass.

I am in desperate need of the spirit of God

2008-10-12T20:42:00.000-07:00

yea. i just did science paper 1 on tys. just passed by over a couple of marks. it's not good enough. i'm afraid i'll flunk my exams. i'm worried. so much anxiety. i didn't feel this way last year. maybe that just goes to show i was'nt serious last year hmm? argh, need to go back to books. God grant me wisdom.

4 MORE DAYS

2008-10-10T17:01:00.000-07:00

to the start of my o's. been waking up very early for the past few days worrying. and although i DO study, i find it hard to concentrate at times. Hmmm my legs are real sore now. cause yesterday i deceided to take a little time off and and do some pakour! haha. but strictly no buildings this time, just practicing rolls and stuff. for those of you who don't know, i was apparently arrested for playing pakour and as all of you know, where ever i go i always bring a load os stuff like my first aid kit, torch, multitool...and those cops thought i was gonna umm, break into a house? but the most ridiculous thing is that they didn't even see where i climbed. it's not possible to go into another residents house from the places i climb. and they were being so cocky that it made talking politely so darned difficult. ANYWAY, cut the long story short, the case isn't over, my stuff are still with them and all they managed to do is leave me with a pathetic impression on the police force. Of course i'm not saying all cops are bad, especially those that sign on with the public's safety at interest, those guys have my respect. It's those that serve because they have no choice and like to just unfairly tekkan ppl whenever possible. i recently saw "FBI FILES" on discovery channel. And they took so many measures just to get evidence to prove that a gang was up to no good. it irritates me that i was just arrested without good prove of anything. most of all I AM INNOCENT! bah. That aside, my studies i would say have all improved, but how much is another question. Alright, gonna psycho myself to resume studying now.

Man....

2008-10-07T15:57:00.000-07:00

been waking up eveyday at like 5am plus for the past 3 days, worrying what will happen if i fail. oh well, gonna make use of this fear as a extra boost of fuel to study reeaal hard and get myself into poly. one grade each, it ain't so hard i can do this, need to set my mind to it and it'll be fine.

ok, so in the midst of all the studies there's infatuation all over me as well. Gosh i am so neck deep in it and i dun even think she knows i'm still this mad over her after all these years. well what's a guy to do? oh and don't be telling me to go ahead and make a move or whatever, cause despite the feelings, i dun believe in getting into a relationship purely based on feelings. she must get along well with me, we must be able to forgive and forget, give in to each other...cause love ain't just about feelings. It's a committment. And if i dare end up breaking up with a girl and leaving her worse of than what she used to be than thats just plain wrong. i wonder why so little people think the way i do. can't they tell? after breaking up again and again and getting hurt over and over again? sheesh, what's the basis?

Ah well, gonna go back studying already. I REALLY must make it this time. God grant me discipline to study for long hours and a receptive mind that will retain info taken in. Clement over and out.

Better times

2008-09-30T22:47:00.000-07:00

these are better times, thanks be to God, i appear to be breaking out of a stronghold, and i just pray that i won't let go of God and fall another time. Anyway, life's been pretty good so far. Significant events in my life so far (from the last time i bloged): Going to Janine's birthday chalet where we played sardine...lol. for those of you who don't know, sardine is a game similar to hide and seek, but with a twist that only one person hides, and everyone else tries to find the hider. when a seeker has found the hider he/she hides with the hider ,until all are "sardined" in the hiding place. i found out i was a pretty bad seeker. lol. NCC never thought us how to find people hahaha anyway, janine hide first cause she was the b'day girl and i was the last to find her...drag lol anyway, being the last i automatically became the next hider. where i just sat on a drain. lol yea, the drain was along one of those slopes so it was kinda like stairs and i just sat there like one would sit on steps. the thing that ensured my concealment was my pants and shirt, which was digital camou (grey) and black respectively. the shadow fell on each step so my shirt blended in and my pants looked like the concrete itself so they all walked past me, unable to see me. Ronald even stoped 7 feet in front of me turned 1 round and continued running. lol. Now i know i passed my cover and concealment with flying colours. in the end, janine was shouting out: "clement you can come out now, it's over" and when i said "i dun supposed any one of you learned cover and concealment did you?" they looked in my direction and a second later they were saying OMG and stuff like that. and than they hid with me, so the game wasn't over -.- Janine you liar! haha i was second last for finding the next 2 finders cause i ran faster than the one other person, feels kinda bad but haha it's a game.
then after Janines church friends left, me Ronald Janine and Larissa played bridge(which i did'nt win a single time) and went on to play some weird game where everyone chooses a name and we call each other by that name. all kinds of weird names. unfortunately no one stayed over so i didn't stay over with her family, it would be really weird. Janine's mom sent the 3 of us home, so nice of her.

and just 2 days ago i went to pulau ubin with my sister and Rong King's poly friends, and was officially made the medic and tour guide of the day. Really fun group of people except for the tons of vulgarities spilling out at an almost constant rate of... 2 vulgarities per sentance? lol i am trying to stop cursing and swearing btw. one girl fell down in a pool of mud, and got her knee scratched by rocks, so i washed it and put antiseptic cream on it. Kang Ling was this big sized guy who suprisingly had a very low endurance for the outdoors. lol. Rong King's friends can never be judged by thier cover. there's this very decent looking guy who can crack the most heartless jokes, the chinese/hokkien speaking guy who got an A2 for his english, a reasonably sized guy who turns out to be vegetarian and a very gentle guy who was from NCC. O.O lol. yeap anyway got a new pouch that day, DIGIT CAMOU! haha but it's combination has more white than what i want, but it's ok the pouch has a pretty good quality for it's price of 22 dollars. gonna get a digit camou backpack soon.

standing up again

2008-09-29T22:01:00.000-07:00

I sinned, but God forgave me, i walked away from him, but he never let me go, i took a step towards him, and he took many steps towards me. Thanks God, for it is through your grace and mercy that i can call myself your son. That it's not by my strength but yours. Now i stand, forgiven, and i will fight for you till the end of my days i will stand against what is wrong and steer clear from the path of the wicked. i will continue to fight, i will never let go of you like you never let go of me, thank you Lord, for all you've done.

Guilt

2008-08-28T06:19:00.000-07:00

it's killing me. i feel pain in my heart, i got headaces. can't believe i was so stupid. haven't been able to eat well from that time. sorry adamantium, i overslept and didn't make it down. sorry terry and val for making you guys worry. thanks for always being there. so many thoughts run through my head. i'm going insane. my mind keeps reliving the moment and i can't seem to get it out of my head. hopefully time will help. hopefully God will help.

disbelieve

2008-08-26T22:47:00.000-07:00

something happened, not saying what.i never thought i would, always thought of how'd i'd get outta the situation. how i'd decline. but this time it wasn't, it caught me off guard. it didn't turn out to be how i thought it would be. i just fell for it. Sorry, that's all i can say.

I'm a DROPOUT!

2008-08-25T05:58:00.000-07:00

ok, so i didn't get fried outta the school but i deceided to drop ITE to really concentrate on my o levels. miss wen said ok, samuel was like, "OMG what's gonna happen to me than? does miss wen know?" I than replied " uh, i just called her, she said ok, about you...you can come over to my house and kiss kiss if you want too. lol" than he said "wa lau, i'm gonna miss those days doing pull ups tgt, cs, battlefeild:( and for the kiss kiss i'm seriously considering hmm lol" he than wished me well in my exams and asked me to study hard. Terry was supportive as well, said that the fact that i now have no back up plan will make me wanna strive harder and give it my all, it's one last shot, or i'm fried. Tuition teacher was surpportive, i can now have tuition twice a week! teck meng also said it was good...But seriously, i'm gonna miss some of them, samuel, abdul, zaki, mansur, ahmad...well, guess right now i just got to pull through this crap, 1 month and 3 more weeks, my teachers says i can do it, so does rong king and alot of others. now looking for science teacher. wonder if i should head over to uncle wilson's house to get help from dragon in maths. he said he would help. well, that's all folks, clement over and out.

Ain't God good (please ignore my retarded english in this post, let me be mad once in awhile)

2008-08-24T07:42:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHA i just received confirmation-DPA's a green! glad zhat's over. 2 more things i found out. ya know about zee upcoming circle line yea? zee one opening next year? guess what? with zhat beauty-of-a-line up n runnin, rather than takin 21 mrt stops all zee way there, i'd be takin only 10 stops. 10! hahahaha and it's right smack at in zee middle of serangoon. WAHAHAHAHAHA. lol, i've gone mad. anyway, also reconfirmed zee SAF joint poly diploma sponsorship scheme, and ain't it a beauty, it pays for all zee poly fees, and gives ya an allowance of 1k per month! per month! holy smokes! and in addizion to that, if ya pass all yer modules at zee end of every semester, zhey give ya an addizional $1200! ain't zhat zee bomb or what?!

THANK YOU LORD

2008-08-22T05:21:00.000-07:00

My GREATEST thanks to God, a God who knows his plans plans for me, plans to prosper and not to harm me. Lord, words cannot express my joy and jubilee, praise you lord, for always being there with me, though i fail you in many areas, my praise goes out to you, forever and ever.

RE: Problem due to miscommunication (Clement Tan)‏
From: Chiew Lay Peng (chiew_lay_peng@rp.sg) on behalf of Admissions (admissions@rp.sg)
Sent: 22 August 2008 19: 18PM
To: tanner174@hotmail.com (tanner174@hotmail.com)
Cc: Admissions (admissions@rp.sg); Abdul Kahlid (abdul_kahlid@rp.sg)

Dear Clement,

We have reviewed your case and we will offer you “Diploma in Outdoor & Adventure Learning”.

You may also wish to note that candidate who wishes to participate in JAE & JPSAE ought to withdraw from the DPA Exercise 2008. Withdrawal form has to submit by hand at the polytechnic that made the offer by 5.00pm on 3 Oct 2008. A copy of the withdrawal form is available online at http://www.polytechnic.edu.sg/dpa/Doc/DPA%20Withdrawal%20Form.pdf.

Candidate who has accepted a DPA Offer but does not withdraw by the deadline is deemed to have confirmed his or her acceptance and will not be eligible to participate in centralised posting exercises (i.e. JAE & JPSAE).

Should you have further queries, please email us.

Regards,

From: tan clement [mailto:tanner174@hotmail.com]
Sent: Wednesday, August 20, 2008 10:08 PM
To: Abdul Kahlid
Subject: Problem due to miscommunication

Dear Mr Kahlid,

As agreed earlier on, this is an e-mail sent to you to inform you of my current plight.
I first read about the Direct Polytechnic Admissions exercise(DPA) from an article in "The New Paper" After which i applied through the DAE portal, and although i am currently in my first year in ITE, i am retaking math and science, which were the 2 subjects that prevented me from going into the outdoor and adventure course in the first place. When i got a call saying that i got an interview, the man who called me said he would sent me an e-mail, with information on the place of the interview, by that day. But i never received it and called him up, i got the e-mail the following day. During the final moments of my interview, i asked how i would know about the status of my interview, and was told that MOE would contact me most probably by e-mail, to ask me to accept the offer. I never got that e-mail, and the first e-mail i got regarding this matter stated that the deadline to accept the offer was over, and my DPA is now invalid. Throwned into panic and confusion, I called that day and told you about the situation, and you told me once again that MOE was supposed to contact us to tell us to accept the offer, you than asked me to call up MOE, ask about what happened and to get back to you by the end of the week. I than called MOE, who told me that the respective polytechnics were the ones supposed to contact us telling us to accept the offer. I later called you and asked if anything could be done in my situation and you told me to send this e-mail. I really hope this helps because getting into this course really means alot to me. should you require any other information regarding this matter, feel free to call my mobile number at 91729196 or just reply me via e-mail, you have my greatest thanks for looking into this matter.

Sincerely,
Clement Tan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i'm elated. nothing less. That aside, i went out with rong king and his bunch of crazy poly friends yesterday night, it was sorta like a belated birthday dinner for him. spent a heck of a time really, getting to know his friends, joking around and in the end just hanging out at some coffeeshop tables(the shops were closed already). than saw some ah bengs fighting, but seriously, they suck at that, looking at them fight actually gives you a boost of confidence to face the ah bengs of this world. lol, ok i wun do anything stupid but seriously, there was so much shouting and less than a minute of action, and judging from the way they could still stand up and continue to shout at each other i bet they're hits didn't even hurt. you should have seen them, there was this guy who was giving a badly executed flying kick to another guy who was already moving away from him, with another target in mind, so basically he hit nothing but the thin air. Smart.haha, anyway, heard rong king's mum put his cats in pungol park, that's so sad, to watch your cats grow up from kittens and than just abandon them. He's a little emo now, lol not that bad lah, but just sad over the fact. My dad got angry with me cause i forgot to call back telling them where i went, which he has all the right to, after giving me 15 mised calls. But you can't blame me! i was using my sis's phone as mine ran outta bat, and her phone in silent mode DOES NOT EVEN VIBRATE! ah well, anyway though i do admit i derserved a scolding for forgetting to call, i didn't deserve THAT amount of scolding. ah well, i'm just happy about my DPA right now, guess i'll just end here :)

More points for singapore education!

2008-08-19T03:25:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, guess what? i just found out yesterday after blogging that i have past my Direct poly Admissions excercise offer and my DPA is now invalid. dun look at me with a face that says wth how can you be so ignorant?! Here's what happened -> 1) read about DPA through newspaper 2) applied for DPA 3) Application sucessful! 4)interview, asked interviewer how i would know if my interview was a success, he said MOE will contact me and ask me to accept the offer. 5) nothing happened, no e-mails, no calls 6) got e-mail stating my dpa is now invalid. SG education 2, clement 0. 7)contacted head of RP's Outdoor and adventure(the guy who interviewed me) at least he's being really nice, asking me not to panic and to contact MOE about this matter, because by right they were supposed to contact me. 8) went to the dpa website, clicked on the helpline, typed the e-mail regarding the situation and walla! there was an error with thier server or something. tried another 3 times. Went page hopping and got MOE's contact no. Called them up, "they are having lunch right now can you call back at 2:30?" fine. Called at 2:30 "oh i really don't know who is in charge of dpa, you have to find it yourself" TAICHI!!!!! current score: SG education 3 Clement 0 i am pissed offed, seriously. sigh but than again my sis told me this which she learned from candy-When God want us to go for something, he won't just chuck it into our hands all the time, sometimes he make us fight for it so that we don't take things for granted. that's my hope. Friends in ITE were being an encouragement, they were talking about whos gonna do what in our project group and mansur was like ok clement your job is just to study hard for your o levels and get the hell outta here. I'm not gonna let my friends down, not gonna let my family down, not gonna let myself down, not gonna let God down. it's mine, mine to grab, i just have to reach out for it...

I CAN DO IT!!!!

2008-08-17T19:59:00.000-07:00

Yes the title says it all o levels are coming in 1 motnh plus, and i just need to up my math and science by 1 grade each. I CAN DO IT! gonna psycho myself everyday every morning to study study study, as alot of my friends say, i was born intelligent, but education ruined me. hahaha. just got back from macs studying physics, taking a short break while my sis takes a nap before going back, and yea you can guess i skipped school today. But really, who cares? other than miss wen who makes a fuss outta the littlest things. i mean, in most of the lessons people are like playing psp, nintendo, using laptops to watch movies/play/whatever other stuff.Or sleep. yea. and after missing out so many classes due to NCC and wanting to study like today, i can still pass with a relatively high score! Question: what does that tell you? answer:it means you can actually skip all the classes, take a glance at the notes and pass with flying colours, except that if your attendance is unacceptable, you cannot take the exam, in other words, even if you had the knowledge and skills to be the best front desk receptionist the world has ever seen, because you did not attend enough lessons, you fail as a receptionist. score 1 for singapore education.
well, yea. so i deceided, it's just 1 grade up for each subject, so many others can score for it, there NO reason i can't do this. i just have to put my best in, stop playing games, neglect ite and walla! 1 grade isn't hard to acheive according to logic. i'll just leave it all to God. For i know, Lord, that if i put in my best efforts, you'll bless me. Thanks Lord, for always being there.

this is a song that encourages me to study my butt off, it's not exactly the holy holy kinda song in fact it's pretty vulgar in some parts. But in actual fact, i pity the rapper, he really needs jesus, if only someone could lead him to God...

"Lose Yourself"

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's choking, how everybody's joking now
The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He's so mad, but he won't give up that
Easy, no
He won't have it , he knows his whole back's to these ropes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke
He's so stagnant that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo
This this whole rhapsody
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him

[Hook:]
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

The soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order
A normal life is boring, but superstardom's close to post mortem
It only grows harder, only grows hotter
He blows us all over these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he's know as the globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He's grown farther from home, he's no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose cause here goes the cold water
His hoes don't want him no mo, he's cold product
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it's old partner', but the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da

[Hook]

No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this motherfucking roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playing in the beginning, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhyming and stepwritin the next cypher
Best believe somebody's paying the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my 9 to 5
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
Cause man, these goddam food stamps don't buy diapers
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder
Trying to feed and water my seed, plus
Teeter totter caught up between being a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama's screaming on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only motherfucking option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot
So here I go is my shot.
Feet fail me not cause maybe the only opportunity that I got

[Hook]

You can do anything you set your mind to, man

ALRIGHT! GOING OFF TO STUDY AGAIN!!!! i must motivate myself like i do it when i work out, lol.

Sorry, been lazy.

2008-07-17T07:52:00.000-07:00

yea, the title says it all, been lazy to blog. been lazy to study, been lazy to work out. gosh what's happening to me? ah well. Hopefully i'll get a day a week for boxing training. And another day for NCC(but hey c'mon we all know that ain't happening unless i do a magical disappearing act from school) At least 3 times work out per week. Math practice at least 1 hour a day. and put a halt to my call of duty, battlefeild 2, cs zombie mod...Damn. Well, all that aside, school's been boring. begining to yearn to get out to poly. outdoor and adventure learning, darn, that would rock my world to mars. Wonder how my direct poly application will go....ah let's just let God handle that alright? yea. Glenn is back from aussie. went to his house late cause of ndp training...so i only had 1 hotdog, a couple of beef satay and a few chicken wings. it was enough. no really. ok who am i kidding, i eventually got more food from his fridge. we spent the night watching zombie movies, lol dawn of the dead, land of the dead and they wanted to go on to watch day of the dead, but eventualy all of us went to sleep....lol been busy, wanted to go out and study with jj, but my schedule is slaughtering that plan left and right. sigh sorry dude, will find a time soon. Hopefully next week. yea, well, that's it for now. will try to kick the lazyness of my bottom and start doing things.

Last week of hols

2008-07-01T10:33:00.000-07:00

Well it's the last week of my holidays. gone through an fair amount of interesting events this past two weeks, ncc day trainings, going to my godfathers house and stuff. almost messed up my god pa's com in an attempt to get rid of virus, luckily i was able to restore it, else Ellery would be put in quite a position. Uncle Wilson just got 2GB of ram today, wrong version, gotta change it tomorrow if possible. been talking alot lately, and not just talking crap, with Ellery, Bjorn, terry... ah well, anyway, terry wants to go fishing tommorrow night cool huh? how long was it since i last went overnight fishing? haha, just a pity there's no other guys joining us. tomorrow's ncc training will have a training session of fibua, I've got to get tho lesson plans up and printed soon, sigh... Meet the whole group of Harbinger Fight Club on Monday's training, pretty cool bunch of people, unfortunately i wun be training during school days- no time! oh and today i went to the new shears shop at little India damn solid all the product, but the price more solid-only got spare batteries for my flashlight-which will come in handy for fishing tomorrow. gonna sharpen my ocean master blade tomorrow as well.well, this is probably a very random and confusing post to many of you readers out there cause it's so disorganized! haha, shan't bother to edit it already, gonna hit the sacks and store up energy for a really long day tomorrow.